My World: My Life
by sleipnirfenris
Summary: What would you say if you knew what I really was? Would you still want to be my friend, or would you hate me? Would you laugh at what I am, or give me a helping hand? Tell me, what would you do? If requested nicely, will be rewritten
1. Encounters

_A/N: This is our very first fic, and its the first time we have used soooo we don't know everything under the sun about posting and things sooo, if you see any problems, just tell us please. _

_Well, after that, this story came about after us being, very, very hyper. We didnt even know if it would turn into anything, but it did. So we hope you enjoy the story!_

_Disclaimer: JK rowling invented harry potter and all its characters. We only own the plot_

Chapter one : Encounters

A 12 year old boy pulled a heavy trunk behind him. As he looked up his light brown hair fell in his blue eyes which had a unique glint of amber in the top right corner. People rushed by in excitement and pushed him out of the way. He stumbled a bit but managed to regain his balance after a few seconds. In front of him was a tall ruby red train. He smiled. The Hogwarts Express loomed overhead belching out smoke.

"Be careful Remus." A brown haired man in his mid-thirties said, putting a hand on his son's shoulder. "Study hard and remember to send an owl to your Mum and I as often as you can."

"Don't worry Dad." Remus exclaimed, "I'll be fine, no need for you and Mum to worry about me."

"See you at Christmas, then I guess" Remus' father hugged his son tightly then watched as his son hauled his luggage into the Hogwarts express.

Careful not to put any strain on his left arm, which he had injured during the summer, he walked to the compartment at the back of the train and sat down. He rested his head against the cool glass when suddenly a voice ripped though the train.

"REMUS!"

The compartment door was thrown to the side and in stepped two black haired boys.

"Sirius! Do you have to shout everything? It looks like he was asleep!" Said the boy James, as he sat down next to his friend Remus.

Sirius' eyes flitted about. It was unusual for James to be telling anyone off. It was just plain weird. "It's not like I knew he was sleeping," he muttered.

"Well be more careful next time. What if you woke him up? You know how grumpy he gets. Remember the second last day of school?"

"Oh Yeah," That was not fun. He had stayed away from Remus the whole day. But it had provided good entertainment for James and Peter. Apparently he was just chasing him to make sure he wouldn't do it again.

It definitely worked.

"Exactly," said James.

"So exciting to be starting our 2nd year, eh!" Sirius said, quickly avoiding the subject. "Another year packed full of mischief!" A grin was on his lips now and he rubbed his hands together, in a very mischievious manner.

"Yeah, this year could do with a bit of excitment!" James said, Sirius sitting down beside him. "Got any new ideas?"

"Still thinking, dear james, still thinking." Sirius said closing his eyes. This made Remus roll his eyes.

"Like you ever think Sirius."

"Hey!"

For a while they sat in silence. The station outside began to move. Families could be seen waving goodbye to their children. Some wouldn't see each other until next year. Some would see each other again at Christmas.

James was staring blankly at the wall. Sirius on the other hand was about to crack. He was jumping up and looking around.

"What's up with you?" asked James, watching Sirius' erratic behavior

"Emmm, where's Peter?"

"OH MY GOD! We forgot about Peter!" exclaimed James who was now out of his seat. He peered out into the corridor and immediately drew his wand.

Outside Peter was facing Bellatrix and Narcissa Black. Both had their wands trained on him.

"Sirius, we have a problem." James said to him before stepping out into the corridor.

"Aww poor Petey has no one to protect him," teased Bellatrix in her famous baby voice.

"You're not scared are you?" asked Narcissa in a mock sympathy voice. Peter cowered and whimpered as he shuffled backwards from the two sisters. "You're gonna pay for what you and your friends did to us last year!"

"Leave him alone!" Cried Sirius, as he prepared to attack the two oncoming assailants.

"Traitor" Narcissa spat. "How dare you speak to us like that," Peter was now forgotten. Their wands were now pointed at the James and Sirius who stood side by side.

"You're gonna regret it if you hurt him. Just let him go," Yelled James.

The Black sisters looked at each other. "No I don't think we will. Three for the price of one."

"EXPELIARMUS!"

The Girls flew back and landed roughly on the floor. Wands lay at their feet. "You'll regret that half blood!" they screamed as they scampered away.

Remus still had his wand pointing to the spot where the slytherins had once been.

"Wow!" Was all James in Sirius could say, and Peter looked ready to worship him. In silent agreement, they turned and went back into the compartment.

Back inside the compartment, the boys were telling each other of their activities in the summer holiday, they had a lot to catch up on.

After James' story, the trolley lady appeared at the compartment door.

"Anything of the trolley, dears?" she asked sweetly, as she opened the compartment door.

"Don't mind if I do!" Sirius said excitedly as he scrounged in his pockets for his money. He bought as much as he could carry and dumped the sweets on the compartment seat. James and Peter started helping themselves, while Remus continued to stare out the window.

"Want anything Remus?" Asked Sirus, tearing open a Bertie Botts Every Flavoured Beans packet.

"No thanks, I'm fine."

"What's up with you?" Sirius said popping some beans into his mouth, "You haven't said anything since we got on the train!"

"I said I was fine." Replied Remus sourly.

"What happened to your arm?" asked a curious Peter, looking at the long deep scratch on his left arm which had nearly finished healing itself.

"I caught myself on the corner of my drawer." He replied tugging down the end of his top.

"Why won't you tell us what's wrong Remus? We're your friends or have you forgotten that?" Said an angry Sirius.

"I'm going for a walk." Remus slid open the compartment door and stormed out of the room.

He walked for ages down the corridor, passing compartments with laughing students of all different ages. He reached the end of the train and was about to turn around when a fist connected with his jaw and he went reeling backwards into one of the compartment doors. Remus slid down to the ground clutching his burst lip and jaw. A shadow loomed over him and smiled.

"You deserved that you half-blood!" sneered the one and only Lucius Malfoy.

_A/N: OOOOOOO! Cliffie! We won't be long in updating so ur nt going to hv to wait long! We like reviews._


	2. Questions and Thoughts

Chapter two : Questions and thoughts.

All conversation had stopped in the end compartment of the train.

Silence.

The Buzzing conversations that took place around them mingled into an incoherent babble. A few words and phrases from the adjacent compartments was all that could be deciphered.

Peter, who hadn't noticed there was anything out of the ordinary going on, gazed intently out of the window. James and Sirius on the other hand wore looks of confusion.

"What was that about?"

James couldn't answer. He didn't know. Remus had never reacted like that before. Perhaps it was because Sirius persisted. James felt like someone had stolen his voice.

"James? You there mate?"

Lost in his own world, he forced himself to look at Sirius. "I don't know,"

"I'm sure it's nothing," Piped Peter, obviously not giving the discussion his full attention.

Sometimes they wondered about Peter.

It was definitely more than nothing.

Staring at his hands James contemplated about voicing a horrible possibility. It wasn't was it? Nothing was said for several moments.

He couldn't keep it in any longer.

"May be it was his parents?" He suggested timidly. He didn't want to believe it.

By the looks of it neither did Sirius as his eyes were as wide as saucers and a look of horror was creeping over his face. His heart was pounding. Blood rushed though him. "Surely not!" He exclaimed.

"I don't want to believe it either. But what else could it be?"

One.

Two.

Three.

"You don't mean what I think you mean!" Squeaked Peter.

They just stared at him in disbelief. "No, we don't Peter" Said Sirius sarcastically.

A look of relief washed over his mousy features clearly not catching on.

They exchanged looks that said how thick can he get? Huddling together they continued in hushed tones.

"Or even worse…" Gulped Sirius. He couldn't bring himself to continue. IT was just… too horrible.

James patiently waited…and waited. "…Worse…" Sirius Black, the blabber mouth lost his tongue! It's a miracle. He would've been teasing him about it if the situation had not been so grave.

Hands covering mouth, Sirius shook his head horrified by what he was about to say. Heart pumping, blood rushing, a loud thudding in his ears.

"Out with it man!"

They looked at each other, square in the eye. "H-he did it h-him s-self?" He whispered.

The horror.

It couldn't be true. Their friend did not cut…

NO don't think about it!

Their friend didn't do it!

Did he?

Remus stared in shock at Lucius Malfoy's retreating form. The happy tones of Narcissa Could be heard.

"Did you get him Lucius?" She purred.

There was a pause. Remus was sure this was because they started kissing. His suspicions were confirmed when a voice exclaimed that they should get a room.

"That sounds like a good idea. What do ya say?"

Narcissa giggled.  
Remus gagged. He didn't need to hear this. And he certainly didn't want a recount. He nursed his bust lip and walked away. His arm and lip were throbbing painfully.

Why did I leave? If I stayed this wouldn't have happened!

Really? They would have gotten you sooner or later.

But they would've been there.

The voice laughed. Do you expect them to stay? Do you expect them to understand? Stupid boy. You will only find horror and terror on their faces.

They will never know retorted Remus. They will never find out!

So naïve. Of course they will and then they will leave you all alone. Or better yet leak it to the entire school!

The voice was cruel and unforgiving. His eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

Back in the compartment, James was restraining Sirius. "I wanna find him!"

"Give him time friend. He'll come back before Hogwarts. You both need to cool down that's all,"

But Remus Lupin didn't come back.

Remus didn't know where he was until he heard someone call his name. He whipped around, thinking it was someone else who wanted to have a go at him. But it wasn't. He saw Lily Evans' head sticking out of her compartment door.

"What happened to your face Remus?" she asked sweetly, her words covered in sympathy.

"Lucius." Was all he could mutter before pain surged through his lip.

"Him. I should have known." Lily sighed. "Do want to come in and sit with us? Or do you want to go back to your friends?"

Remus thought about this. If he went back to his friends, he would have to face the questions and enquiries, and he didn't know what he would say to them. With Lily and her pals, he would have some peace and quiet.

"You sure it's all right if I come with you?"

"Yeah. I asked didn't I?" She laughed "Come on then."

Remus followed her into her compartment where her two friends, Alice and Loretta, were sitting in the seats opposite them.

"Hiya." They both said entusiastically as he entered.

Remus smiled at them but then wished he hadn't as pain surged through his lip again. He sat down beside Lily and put his head against the back of the seat. He was so tired that he thought he would just drop off into his dreams, and never wake up… 

A/N: I hope u liked it!


	3. Accusations

**A/N:** So sorry for not updating sooner! We've been writing a new story which we're trying to figure out the plot to! Not good having a story with no PLOT! Oh well. Hopefully the nest chapter will be up sooner... can't promise anything though.Hope you like this chapter!

**Discaimer:** Do not own any creations of Jk Rowling. We only own this plot!

**Chapter three : Accusations**

Remus awoke to Lily saying something in his ear.

"Huh?" He mumbled, still groggy with sleep. "Who's that?"

"It's me." Lily said to him. "You better go and get your robes on, we're nearly there."

He sat bolt upright. They were nearly there! That meant he would have to go back to his friends, and face the accusations, the question, the demands. He didn't want to go back, not yet, he wanted sometime to think. That's why he came here with Lily, but then he, just slept all the way to Hogwarts, having no idea how to face his friends.

"Are you okay?" Loretta asked, watching his eyes encase with fear. She didn't like someone in Gryffindor, showing their fear so easily, something must really be wrong for Remus to act like this. She might not know him as well as Lily did, but she definitely knew when something was wrong with one of her classmates.

"Yeah, I'm fine, just didn't know where the time went to that's all." Remus muttered, standing up. "I better go, thanks for letting me stay with you Lily."

And with that he left the compartment.

By the time he got to the compartment, his friends were gone.

_They must be at the bathrooms getting changed._ Remus thought, he sighed a sigh of relief, grabbed his robes from his trunk and started to get changed.

Once he was finished, he walked out of the compartment, and strolled down the corridor. Then, he heard someone calling his name, a certain long brown haired someone.

"Remus!" shouted Sirius, starting to run to catch up with his friend. "Hey! Remus! Wait for us!" Behind him ran James and Peter trying to catch up with Sirius.

Remus kept his head down and just kept on walking, pretending to ignore them. He didn't know what to say to them, not yet anyway, he didn't want them to find out what he was.

When he got to the next compartment, he rushed inside and knelt down against the wall so his friends wouldn't see him. A few moments later he saw them rushing past the compartment, having no idea that he was in there.

"Where did he go?" asked a confused Sirius looking around wildly. James and Peter reached him, looking around as well.

"He can't have gotten out of the train that fast, we weren't that far behind him!" James panted, holding a stitch on his side.

"He is quite fast though," Sirius thought. He wanted to find Remus and ask him some questions that needed answered. "Come on. We'll see him in the Great Hall. Then if he leaves, we can follow him so he doesn't try and pretend he asleep if he gets to the dormitory before us."

They walked off the train and into one of the many carriages that were waiting to carry the students up to the castle.

Sirius was thinking, which Sirius knew himself was a very rare occurrence. He was thinking of the many possible things that could of caused the cut on his friends arm.

_If he had a problem why didn't he come and tell us? _Sirius thought, _that's what friends were for wasn't it? Couldn't he trust us? Did he think that we would tell someone? Well, he should have thought a little bit better of us, we are his friends, if wanted to tell us then why should we tell anyone else?_

"What you thinking about Sirius?" Asked Peter, not catching on to the seriousness the night had developed into.

"Oh shut up Peter!" Sirius shouted. "You're so thick some times! You can't even notice a problem when it falls on your face and starts wiggling around! Can't you keep your head out the clouds for a few seconds?" Sirius was fuming; Peter was cowering under Sirius' wrath and the punishment he had just received.

"Sirius!" James shouted back at the still raging Sirius. "Why did you do that for? Peter was just being curious! You could have been thinking about anything! We're not mind-readers you know!"

Sirius' face became crest-fallen. He didn't no what had come over him. He never acted like that to his friends.

"I-I-I'm really sorry Peter, don't know what came over me." Sirius knew his apology wouldn't be enough, that Peter would still tremble in his presence until the next morning.

"Its okay Sirius. No worries, eh?" Peter muttered, and then he laughed a high uncomfortable laugh and turned to face the window.

Remus waited a few moments before leaving the compartment after the last bunch of students that were leaving. He climbed into one of the nearby carriages. He saw that the carriage his friends were in was the last carriage to leave. _Good, _he thought, _that gives me enough time to get into the great hall without being asked questions._

The carriage arrived at the gates of Hogwarts and Remus climbed out the carriage he was in.

He rubbed his hands through his hair pulling it back as he stepped through the thresh hold and into the Great Hall. Amazingly Remus was the first student , so he sat down and enjoyed the peace for the few fleeting moments that it lasted. Then it was gone.

Students from all houses; Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin and Griffindor poured into the hall. He noticed Lucius glare at him for a moment before moving to his table. Remus had made a greater enemy of Lucius.

Remus didn't notice his friends come and sit down next to him. He was looking at the long table at the where the teachers sat. " Hey Remus" Said James cautiously, laying a hand on the wooden table.

Remus just glanced at them, hoping the fear in his eyes didn't show. But Sirius didn't fail to notice his unease. " You ok there? Did you not hear us on the train?" Asked Sirius._ I know you were ignoring us remus._

But before he could answer the double doors crashed open and the first years filed in. Looks of awe trapped on their faces and gasping when looking up and seeing the floating candles.

"Quiet down! When I call your name, you will step up and I will place this hat on your head to sort you into your houses," Said McGonnagal

Closing his eyes and sighing Remus kept his head trained on McGonnagal. In surprise he noticed that there were only three first years left.

"You fell asleep," Said a familiar voice. Remus turned to see Lily looking at him with concern. All he did was nod.

"Phillips, Mathew" The Hat shouted Ravenclaw before it had a chance to touch his head properly, Just like it had done with Lucius.

"Grant, Kerry"

A few seconds later the hat shouted griffindor. Ross McDonald was sorted into Hufflepuff. Immediately chatter flared up.

"Quiet!" Said Dumbledore. The Students acquiesced and turned to face him. A questioning look flickered on his face when he saw Remus' bust lip, making a mental note to enquire later.

"Just a few announcements if you please. Thank you. As the older students know the Forbidden Forest- as the name implies- is actually forbidden. Also Mr Filch has asked me to remind you that all Zonko products have been banned."

The Students groaned. " No Zonko products! We are like their No. One buyer!" Whispered Sirius.

"Yes Mr. Black, we are all well aware that you are a fan of their jokes but I'm afraid they are still banned. Now don't let me keep you from your dinner. You must all be hungry," and with that Dumbledore clapped his hands together and hundreds of trays appeared.

"Remus! What happened to your lip?" Enquired James. Sighing Remus turned to face him showing the full extent of the damage. " Wow, that looks bad. Are you sure that you shouldn't go to the Hospital Wing?"

"I'm fine," he replied before turning back to the food in front of him. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see that Sirius was getting agitated.

"You are not fine Remus!" Sirius said a little too loudly. The people surrounding them had stopped talking. He stared at him expecting an answer but Remus just sighed and ignored him again. Seeing they weren't going to see any fights on their first day the students turned away. When the Feast finally ended, Remus Lupin bolted out the Hall. James and Sirius were hot on his heels.

James ran as fast as he could after his friend. He couldn't help but worry as something was clearly wrong and he wouldn't tell them. _Or may be he can't. Can't or won't?_

Once in the common room they rushed up to the Dorms So Remus couldn't pretend to sleep like he did the last time the had a row.

Remus spun round when he heard the door crash open and be slammed shut. Stood in front of him were James and Sirius. Peter had decided to stay down stair sensing a conflict he did not want to be a part of.

"Why won't you tell us what's wrong Remus? You really worry us!" Shouted Sirius.

He just stared at them, eyes wide and frozen. _Now what?_

"Sirius calm down, you don't need to shout. Remus why don't you explain it to us?" Reasoned James. James led his friend over to the bed to make sure he didn't hurt himself and waited for his other one to answer.

"There's nothing to tell," he turned his back on them and folded his arms. But Sirius couldn't take the secrets any longer, marched up to him and forced him to turn around.

**A/N: **O! uh oh! trouble for Remus! read and review to find out whats up next in his poor pathetic life!


	4. Back to Normal?

**A/N:** Hi! Us again. Sorry for not updating, but we didn't know what to right:( Also, this is a very small chapter, but we'll update the next one very soon! We promise!

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**Chapter 4: Back to normal?**

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The next day the feud was all forgotten but was tossed to the side. James awoke to a dark dorm and looked around. Sirius and Peter were snoring loudly behind their curtains but Remus bed was undisturbed. A single ray of moonlight flooded on to his bed. Where was he? Remus clearly didn't want to tell them but they were really worried. He had never been like this before. What was going on?

Just as he was about to get up James remembered that yesterday was Friday so there weren't any. He turned and looked at the clock and it read … 5.30! no wonder it's dark. James groaned and lay on his back and stared at the ceiling.

What is he hiding?

Deciding he could no longer sleep, he wandered down to the Common Room and to his surprise the fire was still glowing. The flames flickered mesmerizing him in to a daze; but the spell was broken when he heard a shuffle from the corner by the door.

There was Remus. Slumped to one side and sleeping soundly. He looked as vulnerable as ever. James smiled. Sitting down in an armchair James began to formulate a plan.

Two hours later Lily Evans stumbled down the girl's stairs yawning widely and stretching her arms. She sat by the fire and opened a dusty old book she brought with her.

Up early even on a Saturday. Typical.

Poor Lily managed to roll off the chair when James "happened" to sneeze very loudly. She was wearing small tight shorts.

"Nice view,"

Lily screamed before trying to cover herself up quickly and was being unsuccessful. She turned to face James. "Potter!" she shrieked.

"Yes Evans?" he asked grinning from ear to ear, eyes glittering with mischief. Lily rushed up the stair leaving Potter with only four walls for company.

At half eight James decided he should wake the guys and fill them in on the plan. Making his way over to the corner, he thought it'd be best to wake up Remus first. "Remus," he whispered while gently shaking his shoulders. Eyes fluttered before opening completely .

"James!" He said surprised. He looked around to see the common room empty. His stomach churned. "How long have you been up?"

Shrugging he replied "About half five. I couldn't sleep. I thought I should get you up first in case Sirius decides to hold a grudge. You know what he's like,"

I do. Thought Remus. That's' what worries me. He wont stop. Remus nodded and stood up. His thoughts were no longer disorganised and cruel but calm and still. James watched him walk up the stair praying the others weren't awake yet. The dorm wasn't quite as dark as before but an unusual shade of grey. Sirius and peter were still snoring loudly. "You go first," Said James.

In the bathroom, Remus looked at himself in the mirror. He looked healthy now but know he will look ill in a couple of weeks. He traced his fingers over old scars on this chest and stomach. The worst one had been a long gash stretching from either side of his stomach. It didn't heal for weeks.

"How are we today dear?" Asked the mirror. Remus ignored it and continued to get dressed. When he came out James held a finger to his lips and pointed to the bed. Remus shook his head.

"Sirius, Slytherin on the Quidditch Cup!" Said james loudly.

"WHAT!" Yelled Sirius before sitting bolt up right his bed and was soaked by a bucket of water.

"Now Sirius, be nice," Said James backing away. "It was Remus!"


	5. Laughter and Frogs

**A/N: Well, hopefully this was a quicker update than the last one. Well,we won't keep you waiting much longer. Enjoy!**

**Chapter 5: Laughter and frogs**

"Now Sirius, be nice…it was Remus!" said James.

Sirius then turned and looked at Remus with an evil glint in his eye and a mischievous grin on his lips. Remus who wasn't paying them much attention didn't see the on coming assault.

Sirius lunged at him and tackled him to the ground. "Now that's not nice," Sirius said while trying to pin down his arms, but Remus, being quick and agile, slipped from Sirius' grasp and fled behind James.

Uh oh...thought James. I'm in the middle. Didn't count on that happening. What am I gonna do now?

"Uh, Guys…?"

Remus peeked around James' shoulders and placed his hands on them and used James like a barrier. Sirius held his wand out and slowly approached them.

Me and my bright ideas. James sighed inwardly.

Remus grinned and ducked when Sirius suddenly shouted … "Rictusempra!" James squeezed his eyes shut dreading it.

But it never happened.

Looks of confusion changed quickly to that of surprise. Then all three doubled over laughing.

A few minutes earlier

Peter was sleeping soundly enjoying a dream. He was boss and James was the one cowering and begging for acceptance and Peter was laughing at him. Then it was interrupted by nature calling. Deciding he couldn't wait he got up and headed for the bathroom.

But he did make it to the door.

In fact Peter didn't make it much further than his bed post before finding himself on the floor clutching his belly.

And laughing.

Hysterically.

Of course he wasn't alone; everyone else in the room was as well. Ironically it was James begging for mercy. "Oh Lord make him stop! OW! Oh it hurts! Sir…ius… make…him…stop…"

THUD!

Sirius was now on the floor slamming his hands off the floor and could no longer think straight. Immobilized by laughter. Remus on the other hand found it all very entertaining and was rolling on the floor and crying. He couldn't think at all so it was up to James.

Who was still laughing.

Finally managing to calm themselves down, they almost started again when they realized Peter still had the charm on him.

"Oops," said Sirius weakly and lifted it. Peter was gasping for air and holding his chest. The plump boy started squeaking (A/n- BIG SURPRISE! Sorry)

"Congratulations Dumbledore for raising the first squeaking wizard at Hogwarts. Here's your prize!" Exclaimed Remus, causing everyone to start laughing hysterically. Great. Back to square one. Remus sighed and walked into the bathroom to get reading, leaving the others to their laughing fits.

Fully dressed and ready to go they walked down to the Great Hall. "Remember what I said. Don't laugh until someone else does. Otherwise they'll know it was us,"

"It's usually us,"

"Oh, shush."

Lily looked up and saw them slip in so she ducked her head hoping James wouldn't see her. They sat in front of her. Lily felt like crying. When no comments were made about this morning Lily automatically looked to the Slytherin Table.

Lucius, Narcissa, Snape and Bellatrix were screaming their heads off. Toads and frogs were leaping about, croaking. Lucius didn't look to well as he spat out thick green goo from between his lips. Snape was rather green and it suited him well but was desperately trying not to choke on the frogs that mysteriously appeared in his mouth and were hopping out. The Black sisters were in a similar state bringing up what only could be tadpoles.

The Whole table was swimming and the whole hall laughing. But some were not. Some were furious.

A few certain Griffindors.

Lily and her gang stood up, roughly put their stuff in their bags and shot the boys glares. They meant business.

"Ahem! Could the affected members of the Slytherin household go to the Hospital Wing. We have no evidence of the culprits and are urged not to do this again. If and When they are discovered they will be dealt with appropriately. Mr Lupin, could I speak with you in my office please. Thank you," Announced Professor Dumbledore.

The Marauders looked at each other.

"See ya later guys," Said Remus getting up from the table. He quickly walked away from the Gryffindor table before more questions were asked.

The corridors were dark and gloomy and cold on the way to the Headmasters office, the torches hadn't been lighted yet and it was the middle of September so what would you expect? Remus didn't mind the cold that much, he was wondering why the headmaster would want him, what had he done?

He finally reached the statue with the staircase behind it leading to the Professor Dumbledore's office.

"Humbugs." Remus muttered and the gargoyle leaped aside letting him climb up the stairs. When the end of the stairs came, Remus knocked sharply on the door twice andwaited for an answer.

"Come in." A faint voice from inside said. Remus opened the door and walked in briskly. He saw Dumbledore at his desk and the hand that motioned for him to take the seat in front of his desk. Remus did as he was told and took the soft leathery sea which he immediately sank into.

"You wanted me Professor?" Remus asked politely after a few seconds of silence.

"Yes, yes. I wanted to ask you what happened to your lip when you came in form the train." Dumbledore said, getting straight to the point.

"I…I-I" the stuttering came from nowhere, but it usually affected Remus when he was stuck for words or was trying to get out of a particularly uncomfortable conversation.

"You don't need to answer if you would prefer not to, I am just concerned for your well-being." Dumbledore said comfortingly, noticing Remus' awkwardness.

"I never did it by myself, when… you know." Remus replied quickly. Dumbledore nodded his head letting Remus know he understood what he meant. He continued, "It was just another boy, who hates my guts." Remus laughed an uneasy laugh and looked up Dumbledore.

"That is all I need to know unless you would like to tell me this boys name?" Dumbledore asked.

"You would probably guess who it was without me telling you." Remus smiled. Dumbledore winked at him and touched his nose.

"You can go to you lessons now, Mr. Lupin. We are done here." He smiled and turned gestured for Remus to leave.

"Where have you been, eh?" Sirius whispered across the table in the Charms classroom. Both he, James and Peter were interrogating him to find out why Dumbledore wanted to see him this morning.

"I'll tell you's later!" Remus muttered back to him, turning back to his work.

"Remus!" James whispered. "We want to know!"

"He was just wondering how I got a burst lip." Remus gave into defeat. There was no way could he tell them later.

"And how did you get a burst lip?" Sirius said. Not remembering Remus ever telling them.

"Malfoy! Who else? I guess he wanted to get me back for what I did to his girlfriend and her sister."

"Well, we got them back without even knowing it!"

"Guess your right!" They stifled a laugh and all turned back to their work

**A/N: Hope you liked that chapter! The other one will be on the way soon.**


	6. Thoughts

**A/N:Hello there! Well here's chapter six for you! Sorry about not updating in a while :( And sorry for the length of this chapter :( Well, won't keep you waiting any longer!**

**Chapter 6: Thoughts**

The dorms were silent as every one was asleep; or at least they were meant to be. Two boys in the dorm labelled 2nd Years were blissfully asleep but the other two were wide awake and full of worry. Recent events had made their minds troubled and sleeping was an arduous task – especially when the full moon was next week.

Sirius lay in his bed half asleep and contemplating. These thoughts were all focused towards a person – Remus. He was sick of the possibilities. The endless stream of "what ifs" and "Could be", "Might be". He so hoped they were wrong…

_But what if they are right?_

Sirius sighed. _See there's another._ He thought_. They seem to be everywhere I turn. No escape. It's so frustrating! ARG! I have great friends. My friendship with James was obvious even before my surprising induction into Griffindor. We have fun all the time but recently…I'll think about that later._

_Slytherin! YUCK! Horrible, the lot of 'em. I'm pure blood look at me! Don't they know most muggleborns are better than them? But according to them down the 'social class'. But only to them. I'm rambling aren't I? Geese, Pete was right, I do talk bout a lot! I never did agree with my family. I'm just so… so different. They'd die if they knew Pete was muggleborn! Surprises me that they don't know already! Strange. I was in SO much trouble when Bella told them about James. Three howlers and a beatin' at home! Let's not go into that too much; better to leave it where it is- the past. They also know bout Remmy being half-blood._

_Speaking of Remus._

_What is up with that boy? All the secrets and the lies? He makes it oh so obvious! He gets all awkward and hesitates and makes excuses. Only Pete's satisfied with this. Remus is annoyed with me 24/7!_

_May be James is right, or is it Remus? Oh I dunno. He is allowed privacy right?_

_Well that sucks!_

_He's secretive and angry when I pry. Plus his mums always sick!_

_Wait………_

_He's always sick as well, never tell us why or about his parents. The always seem healthy at Kings Cross. He never gave you an explanation as to why he couldn't make it to James'._

_I think I may know his precious secret!_

Over in the next bed concealed by curtains sat a young boy, tears streaming down his cheeks. Thoughts wissed about his mind

Remus wiped his eyes clean. _Can you believe it? I'm sitting crying. CRYING! That last time I cried… well it was a bad day. At least that stupid voice is gone! Wait! I didn't say that, no think it! Oooohhhhhhhhh….._

_…Silence? Do my ears deceive me? The wolf isn't taunting me?_

_**Hahahahhahahahaa…**_

_What's he laughing at? Oh now I'm sidetracked. Where was I? Sirius… I don't think I'll be able to take another of his confused or accusing glares. It's too hard. I wish I could tell them the truth, but they wouldn't understand_.

_Nobody does_.

_I'm just a monster to people, a dark creature if you prefer. I'm dangerous! I know it's true but it hurts all the_ same when people say it.

_And they will…they always do…_

Remus sniffled and rubbed at his eyes again. Rocking himself while he thought to a rhythm only he could hear. A song only he knew. In darkness where he had no escape.

_Then, when they find out, they'll leave and never come back. They'll tell the whole school probably and I'll never be able to show myself again. Please don't let that happen! But who am I kidding? They are not going to turn around and say what's next! They'll run as fast as they can and I'll be left alone._

_Alone with them._

"I don't want to go home," He whispered and thinking everyone was sleeping he cried out loud. His face glistening with shed tears.

Sirius' ears perked up at the whisper emitted by his friend and it left him puzzled. Wasn't Remus happy? Soon loud sobs echoed and Sirius's heart ached.

I'll tell James later.

Lupin got up and headed straight for the bathroom . His face just as puffy as he expected.

While he was in the bathroomSirius got up… and jumped on James.

"Soft," commented Sirius.

"Well duh, you plonker! You're sitting on me!" said an annoyed voice. James glared.

Gasping Sirius flung himself off the bed and lay still on the ground. Apparently chocked.

Oh no… I killed him. James thought, then shrugged

"OOF!" Eyes bulged.

Crash!

"Your gonna pay for that Potter!"

"You'll have to catch me first Black!"

**A/N: Did you like it? Hope you did. **


	7. Centaurs, Contemplationd and the Beast

**A/N: Here's chapter 7! Won't keep you waiting too long...hope you enjoy!**

**Chapter 7: Centaurs, Contemplations and the Beast**

****

"Mr Malfoy! Pay attention, this is important; it could save your life," said Professor Kettleburn, waving his nine fingers around.

"Centaurs may live in harmony with us, however they do not take trespass lightly. They will free minors but adults are lucky if they escape with their lives. Heed my warning: centaurs rarely forget and only one warning is issued to those you trespass in their domain," Malfoy smirked.

Eagerly the class looked forward, staring at the two strange creatures before their very eyes. "Bain and Firenze have graciously acquiesced to answer any of your questions. Enquire at your caution, centaurs will offend on certain matters," said Professor Kettleburn warning the class and stepping to the side. For a minute no one dared speak. An uncomfortable silence settled over them, constricting at will. The two half men, half horses advanced on the students nodding slightly at the teacher. The marauders could tell that they had very different personalities. The smaller, shimmering grey one exuded warmth and kindness. Eyes glittered with knowledge and it felt like a privilege to have his presence among them. The other was broader and dusty brown. He looked unkempt and filthy; his eyes were cold and dark. Boredom and annoyance shown from every pour of his body.

A petite Slytherin boldly spoke up, "Who's who?"

"I am Bain and this is Firenze," declared the brown one. "And who might you be?"

"Tilly Feint Sir!"

Turning and giggling to her friends she said turned her back to the two creatures before whispering "Kinda funny looking aren't they? Think they're mutation was painful?

Of course the Slytherins snickered and remained huddled together even when a brown haired blue eyed boy spoke up. "Take that back! They have feelings too ya know! All creatures deserve respect, no matter how different they are, or do you only respect those who can stomp on you like a bug?"

Before the greasy haired git could reply on of the centaurs spoke, "Thank you young fellow, you have earned our respect. Not many would defend us just as you have,"

Bain slowly faced Firenze and silenced him with a glare. How dare he? What makes him think he can decide for an entire clan! They will not be pleased. Making judgements when they should not be made, let alone voiced. Their business is not our own! Let them think what they want of us!

While the Professor yelled and told Tilly her punishment Bain and Firenze decided that this was enough. They came to help with the lesson had they not? They did not come to spectate on human matters. Quietly they slipped away to the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

"Please Bain. Firenze. I apologize for Tilly's rude behaviour and request that you remain here. Be assured missing lessons that will that contain exam information will not be the only punishment! Some are genuinely interested in what you have to say."

A gasp rippled around the students. Standing on the grass – from out of nowhere- was Professor Dumbledore; headmaster of Hogwarts.

"No Dumbledore. We are disinclined to acquiesce your request. Though we shall say this. Centaurs like isolation – peace , silence, under the shade of the trees- without being trouble with the worries of men. It would do well for you not to bother us again. We look to the stars and observe. We see chaos and terror ahead. We MUST monitor any change.

And with that, they were gone.

Peter, James and Sirius walked ahead while Remus lagged behind. He felt light headed and disappointed the centaurs had not decided to stay. I was looking forward to that lesson all week, thought Remus.

The unforgiving sun bet down upon them while the strolled along to the castle. Up head you could just make out Hagrid's cabin by the Forbidden Forest. Wolves, centaurs and Unicorns dwelled among the trees. Along with other things.

"Why do they always have to spoil lessons? That would have been really interesting, and this is me saying this. Me!" exclaimed James.

"Oh what is the world coming to? Apocalypse now," said Peter sarcastically. Sirius smiled. Peter always came said the most clever of things when you least expected it.

He should not doubt his own ability. He's better than he perceives himself to be. Thought Sirius.

"Siri? You here mate?"

Sirius turned and smiled. "Yah, I'm fine darling. Neva betta," he said while curtseying. Out of the corner of his eye he say Remus stop and close his eyes. Raising a hand to his head he sighed. Sirius quickly turned around to avoid being seen watching him.

"He looks sick again guys. He was like this last year too. I know that was first year and this is only second year, but never truly looks healthy. You think he's dying or something?" Sirius said in a hushed whispers.

James' heart stopped. That was not something anyone wanted to hear.

He's not dying. I won't let you Remus…

"James!" said Sirius.

"Hey guys,"

"Hey Remus," they said in unison. Eyes shifted and everyone prayed he had not heard them.

"I'm alright guys. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine when I've had some sleep," He gave them a reassuring smile – at least it was meant to be. Somehow worry lines creased their foreheads and frowns appeared.

"Ok," they said. But they didn't believe him. Not this time. It had gone on long enough. He wasn't going to lie to them anymore. They will find out the truth.

"Lily!" Cried a male voice. Bouncing bright red curls stopped and whirled around. Those bright green eyes did not like what they saw.

Potter.

Black.

What do they want now? Lily stormed towards them. Oh how she hated those two. Bag swinging at her side, arms folded, she snapped at them.

"What!"

"…well we just wanted to talk to you…" they started

"Well forget it! It's bad enough I have to put up with you in classes and being in the same house but I will not stop and chat!" Before they could even blink she had disappeared before their eyes. Quickly-not caring who they pushed-they tore after her. A single hand, with a very tight grip, stopped Lily in her tracks. Temper mounting and eyes flaring she turned to face them. Eyes as hard as stone met panicked desperation. "Let me go!"

Black ignored her demand. She was not getting away that easily. She tugged and tugged but his grip remained. The buzzing of conversation stopped. Eyes. Million of them were now glued to the scene playing out before them.

"So, who do you think will win?" whispered Frank.

" Sirius. Without a doubt," stated Henry.

Frank smirked. "Care to put your money where your mouth is?"

" One galleon, my final offer,"

"Right!"

Meanwhile Potter and Black were pleading with Lily. "Please just talk to us! We won't keep you long! Come on hunny, do it for us!"

"Hunny?" Questioned Lily. He's done it now. Potter will pay. Ripping her arm from his grasp she lunged for James, who had little warning.

"Em, well maybe Lils will win," stated Henry.

"Oh no you don't!" replied a grinning Frank. "You're not getting out of this one,"

While Lily tried to knock lumps out of James, Sirius tried to hold her back. He needn't have bothered. She was unstoppable now. Ripping, scratching gnawing, biting. None of their friends dared move to help. Not when she was like this.

Not ever actually. They just watched on with amusement.

Finally when lily had James in a headlock and Sirius had succumbed to fits of giggles, Potter managed to whisper something in her ear.

"It's about… Remus… we're worried… about him…"

And the beast stopped.


	8. Discussions

**Chapter 8: Discussions**

****

"What did you say?" Lily said, stunned at what she had just heard.

"You heard," Sirius said, "We're worried about Remus, I think somethings going on."

Lily just stood there stunned. _What where they talking about? Remus seemed alright, there couldn't be anything wrong, I would of noticed! But then again, he has been seeming more distant than usual. I'll listen to what they say._

"So what do you thinks going on then?"

She watched as the three boys in front of her, looked at each other in discomfort and squirmed in their seats.

Lily's stomach did a backflip. Something must be wrong if Potter and Black hadn't talked yet. She wanted to know what was going on and she wanted to know now.

"What?" She asked, to try and make them talk. Sirius turned his head towards her and what she saw shocked her. She had known Sirius for about a year now, and had never seen this. Worry. Worry studded his deep mahogany eyes, and it unnerved her. Sirius was supposed to always look on the bright side of life and never worry about anything. Maybe there was more to him than she knew?

Suddenly Sirius stood up and grabbed her arm and quickly said, "Maybe we should go somewhere else." and he dragged her up towards the boys dormitory. Peter and James followed, and soon they were all sitting on James' bed.

"Hold on." James said, and he checked around the beds and in the bathroom. After another look over the room, he sat back down beside the others. They each held a questioning stare and a confused look, and James replied, "Just incase Remus was here."

"Oh" They all said, and Sirius laughed an exasperated laugh, but soon the conversation had taken a serious edge to it again.

Lily thought she should start, as nobody else was going to. "So what was that stuff you said down there? I mean what could be so wrong with him that Peter even noticed it?" She said relatively slowly.

"Huh! Noticed what?" Peter said, confused. Everyone in the room sighed. Peter would catch up, eventually.

Lily chose to ignore this. She looked at James and Sirius for some answers. She knew she would get them, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear them. But, Remus was her friend, and if something was wrong with him, then she wanted to know, she wanted to be able to help him. She arched one of eyebrows in a questioning stare which finally pushed them to tslk.

"Well, um... It's like, em-" James tried to say but was cut off when Sirius started to talk for him.

"I'll start from the beginning, since James can't seem to want to say this. When we got to the compartment, Remus was already there. He looked dead depressed, but we didn't notice at the time. We were just really happy to be going back to Hogwarts, you know. We then realised that Peter wasn't in the compartment so we went to find him. Well, we found him about to be cursed by Bellatrix and Narcissa and then Remus came and dealt with them. So, we went back to the compartment and soon the trolley came and we asked Remus if he wanted anything off of it, but he didn't, he just kept on staring out of the window. Thats when we noticed the cut on his arm. He just said that he caught it on the corner of his drawer."

"That's when Sirus got mad at him." James interrupted, wanting to take part in the telling now to.

"I did NOT get mad at him." Sirius retorted. "He wasn't telling us anything and you shouldn't keep in your problem, should. People always say it makes you feel better after talking to somebody about it."

Lily's jaw dropped. "How do you know that?"

"I'm not dumb, you know. I am allowed to know somethings if thats ok with you!" Sirius said, liking the expression on Liliys face. "Well, I did get a bit angry at him because it was annoying he was keeping a secret from us, that we could maybe help him with. So I couldn't help it."

"If you had stayed calm at him Sirius, maybe he would of actually stayed in the compartment." Lily said, getting annoyed at the amount of mistakes all of them could of made.

"Well, maybe our friendship with Remus is more complicated than we know!" Peter said, catching on to the conversation.

"Well done Peter, you actually got something right!" Sirius said, venting his anger on the small boy.

"Thats not a nice thing to say, Sirius!" Lily said, standing in Peters defence. Peter cowered under the amount of anger now filling the room.

"I can say what ever I want thank you very much!" Sirus shouted.

James jumped up and shout at the top of his voice, "Will you's two stop it, for crying out loud! I can't keep you's in a room longer than five minutes before you's are about to kill each other! Now we came here to discuss something about Remus, and thats what we're going to do!"

"So now your talking about me behind my back." Said a figure from the doorway.

"...shit..." Sirius whispered.

"Remus! How long have you been there?" James asked, with a guilty look on his.

"Long enough to know that you've been talking about me!" Remus replied, his expression was one of anger.

"We weren't saying anything bad about you Remus, if thats what you're wondering!" Sirius said, trying to get Remus calm so that they could talk about this like civilised ... people.

"That doesn't erase the fact, Sirius."

"They were just telling me that they were worried about you, Remus, thats all!" Lily said, nearly in tears at Remus being angry with her.

"You's shouldn't worry about me because there is nothing to worry about." Remus whispered, looking at the floor.

"Look in the mirror, Remus!" Sirius exclaimed, "You're deathly pale, you havn't been sleeping and you hardly eat! You may think we don't notice but we notice everything!"_ I also heard you crying a few nights back._ Sirius was about to add, but he would tell Remus when they were alone, he might tell him something, if it was just a one to one chat.

"You should just leave me alone! I'm allowed to have some privacy aren't I?"Remus retorted.

"Not if it could kill you Remus! And that's what it looks like to us! You might end up killing yourself!" Lily said.

"Just leave me alone!" And with that, Remus walked out of the dormitory and downstairs and was just about to go out of the potrait when voices met his ear.

"Remus! You don't need to run away from your problems!" James told him when they had eventually caught up with him..

"I'm not running...I'm walking." Remus said calmly, and with that, he walked out and the portrait closed behind him.


	9. Don't Panic!

**A/N: Sorry for the long update, but we were putting up another story and tryin gto find ideas to continue this story. The Updates should be a bit more frequent now it's the Summer Holidays (WOOHOO) dances Well here's the story!**

**Chapter 9**

Remus just kept walking. He didn't know where his feet were taking him. He didn't really care. He was content as long as he was far away from James, Sirius, and Lily. It didn't matter if he was down in the Slytherin dungeons or up in the astronomy tower. As long as he was alone, and wasn't near his friends, he was happy.

_I can't believe they did tha_t. Remus thought.

_I don't care that they were talking about me behind my back. Merlin, friends do that all the time just to annoy you, for fun. But, they got Lily involved… that must mean they either think something is wrong with me...or...or..._ Remus couldn't even bring himself to think about what would happen if they had actually found out. The idea horrified him and at the same time made him feel ashamed. Ashamed because he should have told them the truth before now. He should have told them when they first met him, so that he wouldn't risk loosing friends in future.

_But I couldn't have told them,_ Remus thought. _I'm too scared, too weak_.

**_You got that right,_** came a voice from deep within his own mind. **_Imagine that, a weak werewolf. Whining about your friends not liking you…you pathetic fool. Who would like you? Who could like a werewolf?_**

_Shut up, shut up!_

**_I'm just telling you the truth_**.

Remus stopped arguing with the voice as he realize what he was doing. He was having an argument with himself. Was he starting to loose his mind? He shook his head and looked around, wondering where he had ended up, and spotted the library.

"Perfect," he murmured under his breath. "They'd never step food in here," he added sarcastically.

He looked up and wandered into the brightly lit library.

Lily was sitting on her four poster bed, thinking about what had just happened. The guys had gone back into the common room trying to think of a way to get back Remus's' friendship.

_We were so stupid_! Lily thought. _We should of been smart enough to actually lock the door. Not just leave it open. I mean any one could have been standing in the door way listening to us._

A feeling of dread hit Lily. _What happens if someone was standing there before Remus!_

Lily stood up suddenly, panic coming over her. She had to tell the others quick. Or they could be in serious trouble. Especially Remus.

Remus sat down at one of the deep mahogany tables. Hardly any one was here. There were just a few seventh years looking for that night's homework. He let out a deep sigh. Why did he get so angry at them?

**_Maybe because they were talking about you behind your back,_** that annoying little voice was back, twisting his mind. **_Or maybe its the fact they may possibly know what you are that really gets the blood boiling?_**

He held his face in his hands. What was he supposed to do? This is what he had always feared, being found out and being judged for _what_ he was instead of _who_ he was.

Remus lifted his head out of his hands and looked around. It seemed he was the only one here, but he didn't really care, he preferred being alone. He had been alone his whole life.

He shook his head_. I shouldn't be thinking these kind of things_. He had to do something to take his mind off what had happened.

He stood up suddenly and walked over to the one of the countless bookcases that held thousands upon thousands of books. He ran his fingers across the spines of all the books, scanning the titles imprinted on each of them, until he came to the one he was looking for and smiled. Maybe he could find a good book to take his mind busy. He slid out the book and read the gleaming gold title, _Famous Werewolves of the 20th Century._

Lily ran down the girls staircase as fast as she could. She had to get to the common room. Fast.

She hoped that no-one had heard anything. She didn't know why she was so worried about it, but a small nagging in the back of her mind told her that something was wrong. Very wrong.

She reached the bottom and looked around the sparsely filled common room. A sigh of relief left her. There, hidden in the shadows at the corner of the room, was the trio.

Lily rushed over and quickly took a seat beside James.

"Hey." James said, looking at her intently. He noticed her flustered state and a look of confusion swept over his face. "What's up?"

"Well..." Lily started to say, but suddenly, she felt very stupid.

_Why am I so worried?_ she thought. _We were only saying how worried we were about him. What's so wrong with that if someone found out?_

"Yeah..." Sirius encouraged.

"Oh, never mind," she said quickly, waving her hands in front of her. "It was just a stupid thought. There's not really much point in telling you." The three boys looked her, puzzled. She felt the heat rising in her cheeks.

"Lily," Sirius said, getting irritated now, "just tell us!"

"It was nothing!" she exclaimed. She stood up abruptly and headed towards the portrait hole.

"Lily!" shouted James, but his call went unnoticed as the redhead bounded out of the common room.

Remus was flicking through the new book he had found. He didn't really expect to find anything dramatic, but he felt comforted knowing there were other people out there with the same problem as him.

He looked up from the book as he heard the library door being opened.

_Oh great,_ He thought as he spotted a certain redheaded Gryffindor coming over to him.

"Remus! I really need to talk to you."

"Just leave me alone Lily!" He slammed his book shut and walked over to one of the bookcases. However, the small girl would not be ignored so easily.

"I just want to talk to you Remus," Lily explained. "Is that so bad?"

"Maybe it is," Remus said, "or maybe it isn't." He slid his book back into the right section and turned to look at her. "Don't you understand Lily?" he questioned. "I just want to be alone just now."

"No, I don't understand Remus," Lily answered back. "I don't understand why you're so mad at us! You're mad at a group of friends who were talking about you, about your health!" Remus went to interrupt her but she continued. "I don't know why you went off like that! I honestly and truly don't! Though, there's something in the back of my head telling me there is something more important going on, that's right in front of my face. Maybe something that could explain why your acting like this!"

"Lily," Remus cut in. "You'll never understand what I'm going through. Never."

"But you could tell us," Lily pleaded, not liking what Remus was saying. "We

could help you-"

"No," Remus said coldly.

"Remus-" But Lily was cut off when Remus barged past her, heading for the exit. "Remus, wait!"

But he never looked back. He just kept on walking

Remus just kept on walking. He knew Lily had a point. But she couldn't know.

Suddenly, a sharp pain ripped through his body. He collapsed to his knees, breathing heavily. He placed a hand on the wall to help his balance.

_What was that?_

Remus was answered by another stab of pain. _Oh no! It can't be!_

He stood up and grabbed onto the wall as the world around him turned around and blurred.

_I need to get to the Hospital Wing fast!_

Remus took off as fast as he could down the corridor.

**A/N: So, like? Sorry about the cliffhanger. Please Review. We never got any reviews for the last chapter :( . Very sad about that. **


	10. Full Moon

**A/N: Sorry about the cliffhanger in the last chapter! Well, here's chapter 10 for you's all!**

**Chapter Ten: Full Moon**

Madam Pomfrey sat on the edge of her seat. Darkness crept through the windows, seeping down onto the empty beds. Her eyes darted back and forth. Her monthly patient was late; only by a couple of minutes. Pomfrey was on the verge of consulting with the headmaster. _Where the hell is he? _she thought. Her mind flashed to pictures of slaughtered students lying in hall corridors, parents crying and a suicidal boy in the hospital wing. Poppy closed her eyes and squeezed the images from her mind.

Time slipped by. Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. Just as she was about to get up and find Dumbledore the large wooden doors at the end of the corridor suddenly crashed open, soft flames emitted by candles flickered, her heart pumped harder still.

"Where have you been?" she hissed. A puffing Remus skidded to a halt and shook his head. Numbing pain crawled to his brain, stopping all thoughts. Gasping and groaning he stumbled to the shortcut to the Whomping Willow form the hospital wing. "Never mind. Get there quick!" Ordered Madam Pomfrey as she ran after him. "It has to be dank and dark doesn't it?" She grumbled.

Lupin screamed in agony in front of her. A bursting pressure and a growing lust for blood erupted in his gut. Determined he dragged himself up and raced blindly through the tunnel. The matron screeched encouraging words that fell of deaf ears. Bursting out of the tunnel and under the blanket of stars the two humans sped across the green. The castle glowed, trees rustled and cracked. Birds were silent.

Swiftly grabbing the stick and pressing the knot in the Willow's base they froze the tree. The boy fell down the black stretch in the tunnel and the woman followed. "Nearly there Remus! Nearly there!" she whispered.

Tumbling frenzied thoughts flew though Remus' mind.

_Oh Merlin oh Merlin oh Merlin! They were talking about me! And now I'm late! _But the slamming of the trap door behind him cut off his thoughts.

Remus John Lupin was alone.

Lily wandered the halls. The moon rose and the clouds parted. The lunar satellite sprinkled her ethereal light on the Earth as Miss Evans floated along the corridors, paying little attention to the moving stairs. She ascended the infinite steps like a turtle. Lily turned to the last set…

"Lily!" yelled Professor McGonagall, the rather young witch who taught Transfiguration. Lily never heard. Minerva McGonagall burst in to a flat out sprint racing to the girl but someone got there first. James Potter heroically swung his arm around her waist, pulling her to the side before she could step in to the chasm below. The professor slowed to jog and clutched her chest. Lily Evans had nearly crashed to her death because of not paying attention to the stairs.

"Don't you remember the staircases move?" exclaimed James before giving her a quick hug. Lily still caught in her thoughts didn't hear Minerva approach.

"Is everything alright? Are you OK Miss Evans?" Minerva asked quickly.

"Uh, pardon?" Lily said, not entirely sure of what was going on.

"Miss Evans are you alright? Is there anything wrong?" she repeated.

Twisting away for James she replied. "I'm fine"

"Good. Mr Potter please escort Miss Evans to the common room. Oh and remember it is nearly your curfew," With that, McGonagal walked off.

"James what happened?" enquired Sirius when he and Lily came in. James still had her shoulders in cased in his arm yet she still had not protested.

"She nearly missed the stairs,"

"WHAT?" Sirius asked, eyes wide. "Lily are you alright?"

"Why do you care anyway?" Demanded Lilly. "You tease me relentlessly and now you've got me involved in your stupid feud!"

As her anger flared the boys backed off. The hissing and snarling Lily oozed rage and hurt that ricocheted off the walls.

"Evans. We tease you because James likes _you._" Sirius said tentatively.

Torture. That's what it was. Utter torture. Remus clawed up the rickety steps, into the bedroom and shut the door. Cramps and muscle spasms burned. His stomach was one giant knot of fire tearing its way through him.

And then the clouds parted. The lunar satellite hailed the world, shining in its glory.

The fire exploded. The slow burn combusted into a forest fire blazing, roaring and crackling. Bones snapped and reformed. His heart thumped against his chest in a bid for freedom. His short nails elongated into monstrous talons, three inches long. His shirt was ripped from his back, his legs stretched like elastic and the pounding in his head grew stronger. Remus could feel himself getting lost in foreign thoughts and struggled to maintain control but as his eyes bulged, his skull reshaped and the pain subside a little, he slipped away.

Now, they torture really began.

The night was uneasy for three 12-year-old Gryffindors. After James had convinced them all to get to sleep, they reluctantly trudged up the stairs: but no one was really sleeping. They were all too worried. The silent black lasted hours, Sirius's eyelids were like lead and his throat was parched. Padding to the bathroom he slurped the water straight for the tap and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. On his way back he surveyed the room, and fear stabbed at his heart. i _Where is he?_ /i

In the corner – at the far side of the room – Remus Lupin's bed was empty

Morning dawned slowly for Sirius Black. Dark rings surrounded his eyes but he wasn't tired. Horror and anxiety gripped his gut. He waited for the others to awake.

"Siri, you ok?" Asked a husky voice.

"He didn't come back James,"

"Who?" James asked, as he sat on Sirius' bed.

"Remus." Replied Sirius.

Groggily he turned awkwardly to see his friend's bed, which was, as Sirius said, empty. "Maybe he went down stairs," James suggested optimistically.

"He isn't," Sirius answered. "I've been up all night. I would have seen or heard him come in." Still he stared at the wall helplessly, hoping he would just appear before their eyes, alive and safe. Whispering now, he added, "I have a bad feeling. A very. Bad. Feeling. Something's wrong." He flicked eyes, cloudy and stormy towards James then back again.

James sat up with question marks stamped across face but Sirius didn't notice. Quickly James got dressed before getting up Peter. When they were all ready they braced themselves for the mound of questions they didn't have the answers to. Down they went.

The common room was empty. Only one red headed girl sat crossed legged with her nose in a book on the sofa. Sensing their presence she looked up but the words in the book dragged her back.

"We don't know where he is," supplied Peter before hiding behind Potter. Lily abandoned her book and went to them.

"He didn't come back?" she asked quietly.

James shook his head. "We are going to check the hospital wing just in case. If he isn't there we are going to Professor Dumbledore." Lily nodded before joining them.

It seemed hours before the Hospital Wing doors loomed ahead. Tentatively they eased the door open. Rows and rows of empty beds greeted them and their nervousness grew stronger. The clicking of their shoes alerted the matron to their presence. Worry lines creased her forehead as she stepped forward; she hadn't expected to see his friends so soon. "Madam Pomfrey, is Remus Lupin here?" enquired Lily.

Poppy sighed. "Yes, he's behind the screens. You can visit him if you like but he's not conscious." And with that she swept off out of sight.

Lily, James, Sirius and Peter all looked at each other. A mutual understanding passed between them; they would all go together, simultaneously. The screens fluttered by an invisible draft and the bed sidled into view. James was repulsed by the state of their friend. _If I find out who did this…if I find out why… _

Lily looked on in utter shock before wheeling round and gasping for air. _Oh my… oh my… poor poor Remus… _

Sirius, who had already accepted that something terrible had happened, looked on in anger.

Peter, on the other hand, just stood there blankly.

_This can't be real! _thought Lily, James and Sirius.

Remus Lupin had deep congealing gashes across his face and neck. His legs were wrapped in cloth and one eye was badly swollen. His arms were black and blue. Lucky for the onlookers they couldn't see his troubled mind, hear the taunting thoughts, experience the pain, or see the other side of his scarred body.

"What happened? Why would someone do this?" choked Lily. Horror soaked her features and fear radiated from her core.

"I don't know," said James.

"James?"

"Hmm?"

"I have a plan," said Sirius.

They had just been chucked out of the Hospital in time for classes but none of them felt like going; not even Lily.

"How can you think of one of your pranks at a time like this!" cried an appalled Lily.

"Personally, I think it was the Slytherins that did this to Remus," replied Sirius. His voice was cool, calm and calculative.

"When?" piped Peter.

"I can't remember, and even if we didn't see I just i _know /i _they've been messing with him some how," said Sirius. "And I have the perfect plan."

All three of them turned to Lily. Her hands were on her hips and her lips were a thin line. Finally she spoke.

"Count me in."

Pain. Everyone experiences it at some point in their lives. Some people more so than others. Pain is a part of life and no one who wants to live can escape that. Not even some people who want to die.

Remus Lupin at this point in time, wanted to die. The pain was so intense it made him ill. The thoughts never stopped. _**Evil… monster…they hate you…they'll try and kill you…end it…make the pain go away…life is too hard for someone like you… they already hate you…and you thought they were friends…**_ The snippets of the voice cackled as it died.

Remus pried his eye open and instantly regretted it. White luminous lights attacked his retina increasing his headache. A familiar voice swam murkily in his mind.

"…Remus… can you hear me…Remus?"

Magically, Pomfrey seemed appeared out of nowhere. "Move out of my way children. Thank you." Bustling in she did her routine check and forced his eye open. His pupil dilated so she let them snap closed again. "Oh, and he won't be able to talk for a while. There are a couple of slashes on his throat. Painful I imagine,"

"Are you alright Remus?"

_Yeah, painful, can't imagine what that'd feel like! Lily, you're sweet really but do I look fine?_

"Remus can you hear us?" asked Lily.

With a pained expression he nodded his head praying that they would be quiet but at the same time thankful they were there. The sparked an emotion in him that he thought he'd lost a long time ago.

Hope

**A/N: There you go! Reviews make us very happy : )**


	11. Pain

Chapter 11 – PAIIN

"Professor Dumbledore," Said a voice after chapping on the door. The female slowly stepped into the room, peering around for the man she wished to see. Odd instruments and devices whirred and hummed on a far away desk. In front of it was a bird stand vacant specked with tiny feathers. Glass cabinets lined the room like soldiers guarding a prize while the sunrays filtered through the windows. Sighing she chapped again. A crash and bang came from the floor above. The great telescope swung wildly like a spyglass finding its target. And then it stopped: followed by the quiet mutter of: "Ah, well, um, I guess I didn't really need that…. What is it?" before another bang rippled the office.

"Yes? May I be of service?" An old wrinkly man, sporting glittering robes and a rather long grey beard to match floated down the stairs. His hands were clasped.

"Well, yes Professor,"

"Please, call me Albus," He said smiling,

The female brushed the comment away with a wave of her hand. "I've come about Remus Lupin," She said before plonking down in one of the plush chairs.

The man's face changed to a serious tone: worries from staff about students troubled him deeply. Especially this one. A reluctant cough from Albus prompted the woman to continue.

Twiddling her thumbs she continued. "It's just he was a lot worse this time Albus. I'm worried there may be more to this than he's letting on. His friends looked profoundly worried and I dare say quite frightened. They want to know what happened to their friend,"

"I understand that Poppy. He made friends with clever students, who are, regrettably figuring this out before he's ready," Professor Dumbledore paused.

Poppy opened her mouth but Albus cut her off. "But, I do not think his friends will care. I am more concerned about the fact you said this month was worse,"

"Yes, I know. I also know you are aware that the severity varies from month to month but it's also swayed by stress. His father said right after his mother died, he needed to go to the hospital and stay in hospital for weeks afterwards. We know what can happen if he's upset," Rushed Poppy.

"Friend troubles?" Asked Dumbledore.

"Yes. I'm sure of it. I overheard them in the Hospital Wing talking about his health when they thought I was in my office. I was actually checking the supplies in the cupboard but never mind," She said, waving the last part away.

The two talked for almost an hour, each expressing their feelings, ideas and fears. It was then that Dumbledore decided it would be best if they never interfered.

"It's his life Poppy. We won't always be able to protect him from the discrimination and abuse from wizards who don't understand. He needs to deal with this himself,"

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It was a week after the full moon and a school day. Lucious Malfoy and his cronies sat leisurely on a high concrete wall talking sinisterly. Malfoy peered down at the badge sewed on to his cloak and brushed himself down before looking up. Crabbe and Goyle waited expectantly whereas McNair, Dolahov and Zabini were engrossed in an argument about who will win the next quidditch match.

"Guys! Guys!" Said Malfoy, hands spread out. "Remember why we are here. A little hush please!" He said while glaring at the three boys talking about Quidditch.

He leaned in closer. "I know I'm not the only one hear angry and humiliated about that prank pulled on us earlier. I still itch and the reason Snape can't make it, is because he's stuck in the hospital wing covered in boils and warts. Not only that but he's throwing up bugs every two seconds and can't sit down!"

"But why are i _we /i _ here?" Goyle asked.

Sighing, Malfoy silence his friend. "We all know who's responsible, and I say we don't sit back and let them walk all over us!" He said punching his fist into the air.

Suddenly he stopped talking, silently waiting for three hufflepuff girls to pass.

As I was saying, personally I think revenge is in order. Make them pay for the embarrassment but I don't mean pranking them back. No this time we won't be using magic." Sneered Malfoy.

Puzzlement etched on Crabbe's fat features as he glanced around to the other boys. "Uh… so what do you have in mind boss?"

The warm fuzzy feeling the rest of the boys had evaporated into cool frustration. Their grins fell from their faces.

"Well Crabbe I've decided we should sing them a little song," Replied Lucious.

"Really? What one?"

Malfoy shook his head and never replied. "Our target is Lupin. He always seems to be weaker than the rest. Here's what we're going to do."

The Slytherins huddled together, plotting and planning poor Remus Lupin's fate.

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"Don't start please! Stop bringing it up! We're sorry, we really are. If you have a problem with us caring then you'll have to leave school and never come back. But don't think we won't hunt you down!" Cried James.

Remus looked down, fiddling with his fingers. "I know. Just because I've forgiven you – for which you have to thank Lily – doesn't mean I'm not annoyed. If you are going to talk about someone you should as least close the door," he mumbled then chuckled.

Sirius swatted him on the arm. "Give us some credit mate. We did manage to get Lilly in the same room without tearing our heads off first. Though I have to admit she tried!"

Shaking his head Remus wandered over to the curtains and yanked them open. Glitter sunlight pierced the gloom of the dorm. Dust particles revealed, floating down the Earth. WHOOSH! Something flew past Remus' ear though he paid little notice. He could almost imagine Sirius pouting. i Hee hee hee. Just let him simmer. /i 

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww," complained Sirius.

i Works every time /i thought Remus.

"Hey ladies, do you mind? If you two don't hurry up we'll miss class!" James said, pulling on his cloak. His ruffled hair fell haphazardly across his face and tried in vain to blow it away. Sirius stood motionless. His mouth slack-jawed and eyed open wide. He followed James' every movement.

"What?" asked James.

"The world is coming to an end! You're rushing to get to class!" Exclaimed Sirius Black

"Well, perhaps you have forgotten that we have Potions first you dolt. Not exactly the best class to be late to don't ya think?" James replied.

"P-Potions, potions?" Gulped Sirius.

"We'll wait for you at the hall," called Remus as he closed the door behind him.

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James Potter rushed down the stairs leading to the Great Hall only to skid to a halt. Behind him Remus gripped the rail tightly, still finding it difficult to walk down stairs. "Oh Remus, I forgot you hurt your leg. Need any help?"

Hesitantly Remus answered. "Eh, no thank you. I can manage,"

"Finding it hard to get down the stairs Lupin," Said a voice from behind. Remus could hear the sneer in her voice. "Watch you don't fall," She said while bashing into his shoulder, causing him to stumble down the few stairs left. James protectively stood a little in front of him, as if shielding him from their presence.

"Oh yeah. Tell Sirius that we have a nice surprise waiting for him at home," She screeched before walking off.

James clenched his fist, thrusting it into the air whilst glaring at their backs. "They'll get what's coming to them some day! I'm sure of it!" he fumed, breathing heavily.

Remus on the other hand stared after them with a blank demeanour. Eyes squinting slightly, as he cocked his head to the side. "What do you think Bella and Narsissa meant by a surprise?"

James turned and peered into Remus' eyes before feeling another on himself. Glancing up, he saw a figure standing rigid at the top. Suddenly the figure bounded down the stairs and dragged them in the correct direction towards the dungeons before anyone could blink. "Sirius…"

"You guys better hurry up if you don't want to be late for Potions. Personally, I think if you want to get into trouble from Professor Smite, you're mad!" Sirius said whilst grinning. The two other boys opened their eyes wide before shrugging at each other. It occurred to neither of them that their friend had witnessed their exchange with the Black sisters.

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Double potions. Painful, perilous and tiring: especially when house rivalry comes into play. It is a well-known fact that Slytherins hate Griffindors and vise versa. Hufflepuffs get along with everyone and Ravenclaw like to keep their noses out of other people's business. So to encourage house unity Slytherins are paired with Griffindors. James was pondering the stupidity of pairing two rival houses together and hoping for an outcome that doesn't involve someone visiting the hospital wing. How wrong were they?

His attention snapped back to the front desk at the teacher announced that the theory lesson had ended and they were now beginning practical. i Oh joy /i thought James. Sitting beside him and smirking constantly was none other than Severus Snape, enjoying every second of Potter's torture of being paired with each other. At least for the first hour they didn't need to interact with one other, apart from the occasional bump of the elbow in a hope for extra room. Professor Smite scowled at the class in the gloomy light before barking at them to start. Scrawled instructions appeared on the board and everyone started moving. A ruckus of knives and bashing and smashing filled the room.

"Not stuck already are you Potter?" Asked Snape, when James paused for a moment.

"Anything you can do, I can do better Snape," He retorted holding a knife whilst chopping up wings.

"If you say so," replied Snape as he sighed. James stopped for a moment, shocked by what he had just heard. i Did Snape just agree with me? /i He turned and looked at Snape. Snape's hair fell across his face, stopping James seeing the smirk on his face and the evil glint in his eye.

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Sirius Black's temper threatened to boil over. His hate of his family geared into overload with Bellatrix muttered threats and promises to him; only stopping when the teacher was near. "Didn't your friends tell you about the surprise we have waiting for you at home?"

"We?" asked Sirius refusing the urge to gulp.

For a moment the cutting of the Bat Wings stopped before the slicing continued. "Of course. "You weren't there," she mused. "For Christmas all the family is staying at your house. It will be wonderful," she purred. "You need to join us Sirius. It's the only way and you know it!" Bella kept her voice unusually low, causing the Professor to saunter over to the back corner.

"Remember to keep that potion at a simmer Miss Black. Don't want it bubbling too much," She announced before turning her back on them.

"Why Professor Smite, that's exactly the point!" she whispered to herself. Sirius blinked as he was ordered to get the rest of the ingredients from one of the cupboards. At that moment he glanced at his friend James and remembered the time he made a promise to him.

b Flashback /b 

i It was first year and the sun streamed through the common room windows making it unbelievingly hot. An eleven-year-old Sirius Black lounged on the sofa furthest form the fireplace awaiting James Potter's return from his first detention. Looks like he lost the bet as to which of them would get detention first. He leaned forward when the portrait creaked open. His hopes fell when he did not see the one he looked for. Instead he saw a tall gangly boy with sandy hair instead of the jet-black hair and glasses he wanted. "I'm sorry I've forgotten your name." He said while holding out his hand.

"Remus Lupin." The boy backed away before plonking down in an armchair furthest away from Sirius. He leafed through a well-used book before flipping to the back to use the index.

"You, uh, seen Potter about?" enquired Sirius.

Remus Lupin looked Sirius straight in the eye, studying him for a moment. "He's just coming. And if you want him to trust you stop calling him Potter. You sound like a Slytherin." Informed Remus.

This made Sirius sit back in his chair. A Slytherin? That was the last thing he needed. As if on cue James Potter trudged through the door and glanced gratefully at the chair before slamming his body down. " James you alright?" asked Sirius.

James eyed him wearily, "You called me James,"

Remus sat back in his chair sighing to himself. /i when will these guys just get over it and become friends. Everyone can see that they're heading in that direction i 

"Yes, yes I did. I like you James. We're friends. But there is no point to this if you don't trust me It's a little frustrating,"

Potter scraped the dirt from under his nails. " I know. It's just that our parents aren't going to like us being friends. I know I annoy them but I sure don't want to make them angry."

Sirius kept on looking at his friend knowing exactly how he felt. "You think I'll be like my father. Well I can tell you this James. I am /i not i my father,"

Noisily the portrait swung open again. "Hey Peter," They said.

For an eternity they sat there in silence, staring at the walls. Finally Remus snapped his book shut and took a deep breath. "I have an idea. How about we stick together no matter what. Even if someone better comes along, money and fame tempt us and if each other need help, we'll give it. No second thoughts. Deal?" he proposed stretching out his arm.

The other boys looked at each other before turning back to Remus. Each put their hand on top of his. "Deal," They said.

b Present /b 

i From that day on we've never doubted each other It's also the reason we need to help Remus in anyway we can. There's something more to him than he's letting on. /i Thought Sirius

"Fine. I'll just get it myself then," Bella said impatiently.

"No, no. I'll get it," Said Sirius as we walked to the cupboard. When he returned he noticed Bella had swapped positions with him but thought little of it. He was too wrapped up in his own thoughts to care.

Suddenly smoke erupted from their cauldron as the concoction bubbled and boiled violently. Sirius was engulfed in the potent vapour choking air out his lungs and he crashed to the ground, knocking the cauldron over.

Professor Smite took no notice and stood at the front of the class ordering them not to move a muscle. Remus Lupin looked at Malfoy. The Slytherin had held his tongue the entire lesson and didn't once insult him. Must be such a trial to be so nice to a halfblood. Remus didn't think about his actions once. Rushing to his friend's aide, not even remembering the pact they made in first year – to him they no longer needed it. It was gut instinct. His friend was in trouble and he was obliged to be there. He had to be. Fumbling in the smoke, he almost stood on Sirius' hand. He muttered a spell. A strong gust of wind circled the room clearing the air. James, about to run to his friend's side, was held back when the professor tightly gripped his shoulder. No. She wanted this punishment to be a solitary one.

"Class dismissed! Mr Lupin! Stay behind," she growled. As the class filed out Lily, James, Peter and Sirius stayed behind, crowding around Remus. "I asked for Lupin to stay behind not you four. GET OUT!" She yelled.

"Go on ahead guys. I'll catch up later,"

"Mr Lupin I told you not to move. How i dare /i you disobey a direct instruction. I will be informing your head of house in this!" She said.

"But Professor…"

"But nothing!" She screamed as she slammed her hands down on her desk. She walked towards him and towered over him threateningly. She didn't even bother to lower her voice. The loudness of it grated his sensitive hearing making him flinch and cringe. "Don't think that because you're different you will get preferential treatment. That may work with other teachers but it won't with me. If you ask me Dumbledore is soft. What was he i thinking /i allowing a dangerous feral roam the school freely. I suppose he didn't think of the consequences. Someday on the full moon you won't be where you're supposed to be and you'll end up killing someone. Or even worse, making them exactly like you. A werewolf. A monster. What makes you think they won't be afraid of you when they find out? If they have any sense they'll tell you whole school, forcing your expulsion. Personally, I do hope you bite someone. You'll have broken the Code of Conduct. You'll be exterminated," She paused for effect. "I can make your life very difficult Mr Lupin. Don't disobey me again. Is that clear?"

Remus' heart thudded against his chest. Staring at the floor he felt his eyes prickle and burn. A river threatened to burst its banks, exploding onto his cheeks. He refused to blink. "Yes." his voice trembled.

"Good."

Professor Smite returned to her desk and began to mark some papers. Remus quietly slipped out of the room before running down the hall. Tears cascading down his cheeks as he tried to hide his sobs. What he didn't notice when he ran from the dungeons, was a figure standing wide eyed outside the door.

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"Anyone seen Lily?"

"James, when are you going to stop asking that question?"

"Not until I know that answer my dear old friend Sirius,"

"I am not old!" Cried Sirius flinging his arms up in the air. Peter came skidding to a halt in front of them, having ran all the way up the stair and was breathing heavily. The two eyed him for a moment before leaning on the railing.

"Can't…find…them…anywhere. Maybe…he's… still at… potions?" Panted Peter.

"Potions? Still? We left there ten minutes ago. There's no way Professor Smite will keep him that long despite the fact he didn't do what he was told!" contradicted James. "There's just no way!"

All of a sudden a voice rang through the castle announcing time for class. Shrugging the three boys nonchalantly walked to their next class. Both James and Sirius consistently tossed their heads around, peering out the corner of their eyes for a glimpse of their friend. Butterflies and worry wrapped their guts in a thick shroud. A red head girl jogged ahead unnoticed but if they had, would have noted that she appeared to be in quite a hurry. The bell had only rang one minute ago.

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Tap. Tap. Tap.

Tap tap. Tap tap. Tap tap.

Tap tap tap. Tap tap tap. Tap tap tap.

Bone nudged him on the ribs but James never felt it. Words passed unheard through his ears, his mind a jumbled mess. Tangled wires and thickets of bushes surrounded the sea where a storm was brewing. If that storm were words it would be James Potter's mind. His inner voice struggling to understand just why Remus Lupin, who never missed a class even when loaded down with a heavy cold was not sitting beside him. Professor McGonagal purred at the front desk after leaving them to work. Yet she noticed not all students were here. i My best students not arduously working? A look of dread upon their faces? There's no way that they'll just sit there the entire lesson, is there? Oh who am I kidding? When they put their minds to something they do it no matter what!" /i thought McGonagal.

Transforming into her human self she prowled over to their desks. Crouching down in a way that she never did, she placed a hand on Sirius' desk. "Mr Black, Potter, Pettigrew and Miss Evans, would you kindly put whatever it is that is bothering you to the back of you minds and work. Otherwise you'll have extra homework," She whispered. Eight eyes fixed her with a stare, all filled with the same haunted look, causing her to rock back. "Homework it is then but you have to the end of the week to get it finished, that's Sunday not Friday alright?"

Nod. Nod. Nod. Nod.

After half an hour the voice sounded again and every student within Hogwarts in class packed away their things and made for the door.

"He never misses a class does he Lily?" Enquired James.

"N…no I don't think he has. Not even when he found it hard to breath because he was coughing so much. Remember that last year?"

"Yeah,"

The four students walked outside, the sun shown unforgiving. Many people stripped themselves of their robes. The group noticed a group of Slytherins cheering and shouting at an old Oak tree some 20 metres away. An occasional yelp and flailing of arms could be spotted.

"Do you think we should go help?" asked Sirius his voice unusually high.

Lily stopped in her tracks her frown deepening. She span around. "I don't think that's a good idea. You'll only get involved and probably injured considering their mood."

"Does that mean you care for little old me? Will you go out with me?" Rushed James.

"Not in a million years Potter, what I said doesn't mean I like you one little bit!" She cried as she stomped off in the other direction, leaving the boys drifting along.

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A Tight hand gripped his chest stopping his breathing, making his heart pump at an erratic pace. Liquid poured from his brown/amber eyes irritating his cheeks . He forced himself to breath. How long he had been out there he didn't know nor did he care. i Why me! Why Greyback, why? What did I do to you? The wolf is right, they will hate me… /i 

i ** b Good to know that you're finally listening to me boy. You're lucky I'm tired or I'd put up more of a fight! Why don't you just give up and die! I know you're thinking about it but then again, perhaps you could get someone to help!" /b /i **the wolf cackled.

Remus pounded the tree and slumped against it. He was just about to reply when he found himself in an unusual situation. Unexpectedly Slytherin boys surrounded him.

There was about ten of them all muscles and brawn without much evidence of a brain. Centred was none other than Lucious Malfoy and his cronies, not to mention Snape.

"I didn't do it!" Cried Remus sinking against the tree. Silently his hand snaked around to his back pocket but aborted when rippling pain erupted from his mid section. None too gently his wand was ripped away from him, tossed to the side like a useless twig.

"We know i that /i Lupin, but unfortunately for you, you made friends with those who did. You're going to have to pay for their actions," Explained Malfoy. Before Remus could object he continued, leaving the werewolf's mouth hanging open, "Something unpleasant happened to us and we feel the need for revenge. Vengeance is sweet they say and we're about to reinforce it. Oh and no squealing Lupin,"

A rough hand slammed his head against the tree keeping his mouth firmly closed. Intense heat washed over his body as sharp jabs and kicks were administered to his stomach. Malfoy, remembering the information Narcissa told him, lashed out at his already injured leg. A sickening crack punctured the air stopping all movement. "Ooooooh that sounded sore. You want some more weakling?" Threatened Lucius. Silver/blue eyes penetrated Remus' soft brown/amber ones. Remus Lupin's revealed pain, fear and a tiredness none could truly describe: as if he was fed up with life altogether. Malfoy's reflected an uncontrollable malice that shone out of his pores. "Boys give him some more!" he cackled.

Intense pain. Flailing arms.

Suddenly the hand around his mouth was no longer there. Remus cried out in pain as he received a bloody lip and what felt like a broken jaw. Remus' body, already frail, began to defend its self in the only way it could.

It began to shut down.

Black spots floated in his vision, sneering faces became darkened smudges, the pain still all too real. One eye swollen shut, blue and black encouraged the other. His legs buckled beneath him. Mercifully his eyes closed and his senses fled.

_ i A/N Oh dear will our favourite little Marauder be just dandy? Will he die or lie in a coma for all eternity? Just have to wait and see! _

_PS Thanks the b Wolfchild b for BETAING our story! Thanks for all the help! Keep reviewing! We promise an answer! /i _


	12. No Remus?

**Chapter 12 **

**Disclaimer: We do not own these lovely character cries we just like to write them into our stories. (oh god, I feel sorry for them)**

**A/N – OMG!! Sorry, Sorry, sorry!! I didn't know we hadn't updated for so long!! Also, we kinda lost chpater 12, and we didn't know what one was beta'd or not, but this is the right one. bows head in shame Please forgive us!! Okay, shall we find out what happened to poor Remus? **

They sat by the tree and looked across the calm, lifeless water. Dead, black and unmoving the lake stretched out as far as the eye could see. Somewhere at the other side would be lush green grass, strong healthy trees guarding their territory with long wavering branches. James Potter sat on a lonely cold stone staring out across the lake, undisturbed by fluttering birds calling loudly around him. Peter Pettigrew, a portly young fellow joined them not long after the cries of pain from the crowd of Slytherin's stopped. He took one look at the group and decided not to ask.

"Who do you think it is?" Asked Lily finally breaking the silence.

"I don't know," said Sirius.

"You think it's someone we know?"

"You mean a friend? Not a chance. The most likely candidate is Zachary from Hufflepuff,"

The ensnared James's attention, he dragged his eyes away from the peaceful calm into a gathering storm. "Why?" he asked.

Startled by his sudden involvement all Sirius did was blink having forgotten his presence. "Well he has made quite a few enemies last year…"

James sighed. "That is a lame excuse and you know it. He made enemies with some Ravenclaws, who frankly were quite annoying, not Slytherin's worst!"

"It was only a suggestion" he said slightly miffed. At that moment the water chose to ripple sending tiny flowing waves skimming across the water.

"Looks like the Grindylows are getting a little restless," said Lily Evans. She had fiery red hair that glinted in the afternoon sun. Stomping shoes and scrambling twelve year olds dressed in black robes with sludge green emblems scattered across Hogwarts grounds. A shadow fell across the castle causing it to look like it was frowning. The sudden chaos, of course, caught the group of friends' attention but the ringing bell dampened their curiosity.

"Guess we should go," squeaked Peter already tottering off.

Professor McGonagall had a worried expression plastered on her face. Try as she might to cover it up, the anxiety always crept back into her mind and eventually revealed itself on her skin. This caused concern amongst the smarter, more intelligent students. If she was worried instead of angry when Zachary managed to blow up the cushion, then something must be wrong. But the question is what?

No one noticed Remus Lupin's sudden disappearance. Even his friends had forgotten for the moment, caught up in activities.

"Ok Mr Timms. I think you would appreciate some help yes? Right, I'm afraid your wand movement is all wrong. Here let me show you," Professor McGonagall stood in front of Zachary demonstrating very slowly so he could see clearly.

"Yes thank you Professor! I think I get it now!" Exclaimed Zachary Timms determined to get it right. But transfiguration is a tricky subject and complete accuracy is required. However Zachary never was quite accurate at anything.

** Boom!**

When the smoke cleared an unusual sight was revealed. Zachary Timms and Sirius Black were infused with cushion feathers to great mirth of the students. _Why me? Why do I always have to sit next to him?_ thought Sirius.

"Well off to the Hospital Wing then," sighed the teacher. The two dragged their feet as they left leaving a still giggling class. "Quiet! You've had your fun but that could have been really serious…was it me or did they look a bit like Budgies?" She asked setting the class off again.

The rest of the class passed uneventfully and soon everyone forgot about Sirius and Zachary. The bell rang once more and everyone piled out of the class and made their way to Charms. Getting to class can be very difficult. Very difficult indeed. Getting to their destination is hard enough with one staircase moving but when all of them have a mind of their own it can be very tricky. It was today. Nearing the other side of the stairs when they decide to move can be irritating but it's down right frustrating when they all do it. James, Lily, and Peter had decided to take the long way to Charms. Only it was going to be a lot longer than they expected.

They walked up a staircase, not due to move for another five minutes, when suddenly they were jolted off their feet. In a tangled heap on the ground, they tried to get their bearings. The whole staircase moved like oil on water to the right. It eased to a halt and they the riders got off. After wandering around on a level they had never seen before Lily asked if that staircase, the one away in the far corner would be the correct one to take.

Lily scratched her arm impatiently, dying to be free of the two boys. All three of them walked towards it. As they stood upon it, it began to move. They looked back where they came from and spotted a rickety old ladder leading to a trap door.

Peter peered over the side in to the black chasm below.

This was definitely the staircase.

Silent was the castle: as silent as the grave. The only sound was the padding of shoes against a cold hard floor. A trail of feathers trickled behind and the silence pressed in. A boy with shoulder length black hair looked to the ceiling, praying to the forces that this was the last time. This was the last time he had to make a trip to the hospital wing with a walking disaster. The other boy with chestnut brown hair and murky blue eyes gazed at him curiously. Not many people put up with him. Not many people indeed. The Ravenclaws just loved to taunt him so and the only sympathetic people were in his own house. Well, that included Lily Evans. The occasional jibe he could handle but the unremitting verbal torture was more than he could handle. What boggled him so, was why a stupid boy like Peter Pettigrew, was hanging around smart guys like Remus Lupin, James Potter and Sirius Black. He didn't want to mention it.

"What ya looking at?"

The black haired boy glanced over attempting to keep cool. "Nothing Zachary,"

"Looks like you're looking at something,"

This time the boy couldn't keep his mouth shut. "Hey Zack, you want to know why people find you irritating?" When the Hufflepuff nodded Sirius continued. "It's because you can't read the situation well. You don't realise when someone doesn't want to speak to you and you don't keep quiet. People tease and taunt you because you show your lack of intelligence openly and often. You're an easy target, Zachary."

The boy flexed and inflexed his fingers, pretending to squeeze a stress ball. Zachary Timms had a slight frown on his face. He thought mean thoughts and directed them at the boy. "That was mean Sirius,"

"Yes, but someone had to tell you the truth and you know it," he said without turning around. Finally, they reached the hospital wing, where Hagrid and Madame Pomfrey's heads were close together; the two were whispering undisclosed secrets.

But had Sirius Black been bothered to take a few steps closer he would have heard the most glorious secret and seen the battered, limp, unconscious figure Hagrid held in his arms.

**A/N: Was that a cliffie? Sorry if it washides evil grin We'll try our best to upload the next chapter quickly :( And please leave a lovely gift on your way out :D It's called a review :D!! We do appreciate them!! And thanks to our loyal fans and to Peircing Pen for beta'ing for us!!**


	13. Revelations and Kittens

**Chapter 13**

Lily sat on her giant four poster bed in the empty dormitory. The room was palely lit by a small lamp in the corner of the room.

Too much stuff was roaming around Lily's mind, she couldn't comprehend it all. After hearing what was spoken in the potion's room, it acted like a trigger, setting off loads of other unanswered questions. She didn't want to deal with this on her own. She wouldn't – couldn't – tell anyone. The only person she needed to speak to had seemed to have disappeared off the face of the Earth.

Lily sighed and swung her legs off the side of the bed. Hunching her shoulders, she let out a dry sob. She didn't want to cry, she wanted to keep strong, keep her composure, not to give her problems away. But she missed him. She wanted to see him, and tell him she wouldn't judge him on what he was. She could now feel the tears streaming down her face. Putting a hand up to wipe them away, when, suddenly, one of her friends entered the dormitory.

Taken aback by this sudden entry, Lily wiped her tear off her cheeks and smoothed her ruffled hair.

"Lily," The tall brunette walked over to her, "have you been crying?"

Lily looked down at the floor, pushing a strand of fiery red hair behind an ear. "No, just something in my eye, that's all." She looked into her friends eyes and forced a slightly strained smile. "Don't worry about me Candice, honestly, you shouldn't worry."

Eyeing her suspiciously, Candice slowly walked over to her own bed and started opening drawers.

Sniffing quietly, Lily slid off her bed and walked over to her small bedside mirror. Her eyes were red and bloodshot and her face was pale. Why did her emotions always overcome her so easily? Feeling her eyes starting to swell and burn with oncoming tears, she slammed her mirror down and rushed out the room, hearing her surprised friend shout her name. She ran down the staircase, her vision getting more blurred by the minute. However, she reached the bottom of the stairs without injury, but still had the battle of fighting her way through people to get to the exit.

"Lily?" A surprised James exclaimed, seeing Lily's dishevelled form amongst so many others. Yet Lily did not here him, all she was concerned about was getting out.

"Lily!" James shouted again, seeing how distraught she was, but she was now already at the Fat Lady, shoving open the portrait hole and running out.

"What's wrong with her?" James asked, confused. He was about to get up and go after her, before getting shoved back down by Sirius. Enraged, James stared at Sirius, who shook his head in return.

"What?" James said.

"Let her be." Sirius said quietly, looking seriously at James.

"But she's upset!" James argued. Sirius turned and glared at him.

"Do you want her to give you a fucking kick up the balls?" Sirius cried, making many people privy to their conversation. James stared at him in shock, finally resigning to the nearest chair.

Running down a long, dark corridor, Lily had her hands straight out in front of her, since her vision was blurred. Bashing into a wall, only saved by her hands, she turned and ran full pelt into the caretaker.

"Lily?" A surprised Hagrid said, picking up a dazed Lily up from the ground. She sniffed and quickly rubbed her wet eyes. "Are you okay?" Hagrid asked, looking at the red head intently. "I don't want to take another one to the Hospital Wing tonight." Lily looked up, surprised at the comment.

"What?" She replied, disbelievingly.

"You don't know?" Hagrid was shocked. "He is your friend after all." Lily was taken aback. Hagrid could only mean one person.

"Remus!" Lily sprinted down the corridor, leaving a surprised Hagrid in her wake.

_Oh my God!_ Lily thought, _What's happened to him now? Oh Remus, please be okay!_

Turning the many corners of the corridor, she made her way up the staircase. Soon, the large oak doors of the Hospital Wing were in site.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, she reached the entrance, pausing only to pull open the doors. She rushed inside to see a puzzled and shocked Madam Promfrey tending to a pupil. Lily looked around the room, before turning back to Madam Promfrey, suddenly realising who it was she was attending to.

"Remus!" Lily cried out, rushing over to her injured friend. She gasped when she saw his bruised and bloodied face, before placing a soft hand upon his head. Madam Pomfrey glanced at Lily before gathering up her medicines and going into her small office.

"Oh my God," Lily whispered sitting in the chair beside his bed, "who did this to you Remus?"

"Where the fuck is Remus?" Sirius shouted, falling backwards onto his four poster bed. "I haven't seen him in ages!" He sat up quickly and rested his head on the palm of his hands.

"Still mad at us do you think?" Peter squeaked, lying curled up in his bed.

"Hmph." Sirius stood up and walked to the window sill.

"Stay still Sirius!" James shouted, irritated by Sirius moving every few seconds.

"I can't help it!" Sirius retorted, coming back from the window sill to sit once again on his bed. "I'm just worried that's all." James sighed at brought his legs up against his chest.

"The Slytherins sure seemed happy about something at dinner." Peter said.

"'Member we saw them beating someone up?" Sirius said. "Probably happy that they can win a fight if their opponent is outnumbered ten to one."

"Who do you think it was?"

"No idea"

The room went very quiet all of a sudden. The wind howled against the windows.

"It seems strange without Remus here." James said, looking solemnly into space. "I hope he's alright."

"You're right about that." Sirius sighed and lay down against his pillows. _You better not of gotten into any trouble Remus._

Sirius sat bolt upright, he must of dozed off. He looked around the room to see where James and Peter ere, but they were no where to be seen. Well, that's weird, he thought, they must of gone down to the common room while I was asleep. He jumped off his bed and opened the door, revealing many stairs down to the Gryffindor common room. He quickly climbed down them, but when he reached the room, he found it was completely empty. Huh? He wondered.

"What the?" Sirius had never seen the common room totally empty like this before. "It can't be the middle of the night, Peter and James would be in bed."

He ran out of the portrait hole and into the dark corridor. It was dark; all the light had been put out.

"This is seriously weird." He muttered to himself, slowly making his way along the dark corridor.

Soon, after searching some of the castle, he came to his conclusion: the castle was abandoned. Fear caught in his heart; he was alone, and he didn't like it. He rushed down more corridors, clinging on to the hope that everyone was outside

Finally he reached the Castle doors, panting. He grasped one handleand pulled the large door open. He ran outside into the setting sun's light, only to find that the grounds to were abandoned.

"You have got to be kidding me." He whispered to himself, panic behind every word. He was so scared; he didn't know where anyone  
was. Then, suddenly, a shadow covered him. He froze; something big was behind him.

The shadow grew and grew, and Sirius managed to gather up the courage to turn around to see what it was. What he saw made him  
scream aloud.

A gigantic, white kitten stood behind the castle.

Sirius sat up, screaming.

"Sirius!" A surprised James shouted, rushing over to his friend's aid. "Sirius what's the matter?"

"A – huge – white - " Sirius panted, trying to regain his breath.

"A white what?" James asked puzzled.

"KITTEN!" Sirius exclaimed lying back down on the bed again. His bed? James? He looked around. Peter and James were laughing their heads off. It was a dream?

"You got scared at a white kitten?" Peter laughed.

"You don't understand!" Sirius said, trying to keep his dignity. "It was like a kitten version of Godzilla! Kitty-zilla!" This made his two friends laugh harder. Sirius sighed, and then started laughing himself.

Lily sat beside Remus, silently crying. She hated seeing the people she cared about getting hurt, and she knew that it would happen every month.

She wiped a tear of her cheek, and sat up straight. Even though he was unconscious, she needed to tell him that she knew, and that she didn't care. She didn't care at all.

She knelt down and put her mouth to his ear and whispered softly, "I know what you are."

**Ooooooooooooo!! Was that a cliffie? Well, you now know who heard the teacher speaking to Remus! And also, I disclaim Sirius's dream! The giant white kitten belongs to the Goodies, sadly not ours, but the name belongs to us!! Oh, and if you would like to see a picture of the giant white cat, just ask!!**


	14. Panic

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated for a while, things have been very, very hectic, as our exams have started. Chapter 15 will hopefully be up quickly, since we actually know what's going to happen :P**

**Chapter 14**

James sat beside the fireplace, watching Sirius and Peter play chess. The Common Room was deserted apart from them, since it was nearly midnight. He wondered where Lily had gotten to. _She has to be somewhere, _he thought, _she was in such a state when she left; hopefully she doesn't try and do something stupid_. He rubbed his face. His brain was running overtime, but he couldn't get to sleep, none of them could.

"Yes!!" Peter shouted as he managed to claim one of Sirius's knights as his own (have no idea about chess, so you can change it if you want).

Suddenly, the entrance to the common room opened, revealing a rather dishevelled red head.

"Lily!" James shouted, jumping up off the ground where he sat. Peter and Sirius immediately stopped their game, all three running over to her.

James reached her first, grabbing her shoulders. "Where have you been?" He exclaimed, looking into her closed eyes. Lily brought up her hand and pushed James's hands off her shoulders.

"Lily," Sirius took a small step towards her, "what's wrong?"

Lily finally opened her eyes and looked over at Sirius. Tears cascaded down her face; she didn't want to tell them, they would feel so guilty. "It's Remus." She muttered. "He's in the Hospital Wing." She paused as the boys gasped, wiping tears away from her now anger-filled eyes. "And the Slytherins put him there." She seethed.

"What?!" The three boys shouted in unison. Siruis's eyes narrowed. "They've gone to far this time."

James looked at Lily. "How is he?" he asked.

Lily looked at him. "He's okay, but he was already hurt before the Slytherins got to him." A fire lit up in Lily's eyes. "How they can be that evil to hurt someone who's already injured!" Tears leaked out of her eyes again; tears of anger.

"I want to see him!" Peter cried out, worry written all over his face.

Lily shook her head. "You can't. It's after midnight. I've already been given a detention from Snape when he caught me coming back from the Hospital Wing."

James sighed. "I guess we'll need to wait until the morning." Sirius glared at him.

"I don't care if I get a thousand detentions!" Sirius yelled. "I'm going to see Remus and nothings going to stop me!"

"Actually," Lily stepped forward. "The doors will." Sirius looked at her confused. "They were locked as soon as I left."

Sirius looked at her defeated. "Well, you won't be seeing me sleep tonight!" Sirius exclaimed as fear spread over his face. Lily looked at him confused as James and Peter tried to stifle their laughter. "The kitten might get me!" And with that, Lily, Peter and James burst into laughter, even though Remus hovered at the back of their minds.

Remus blinked as his eyes adjusted to the light. Dull pain shot through his body, not as strong as they were before he blacked out. He put a hand to his head. He felt dizzy; they must have given him something to numb the pain and help him sleep.

He looked around and noticed that pale slits of sunlight came through the small windows; early dawn. He tried to sit up, but a sharp pain sliding up his back stopped him in his tracks. He heard a noise over to his left. Madam Pomfrey came out of a wooden door with a plate of food.

"I thought you would be awake." She said as she reached him, and cheer in her voice. "You must be hungry." The truth was that the idea of food just now made his stomach churn. His nose wrinkled and he turned away.

"Don't be like that!" Madam Pomfrey uttered, sitting the plate down on the bedside table. Sighing she picked up a small brown bottle that sat beside his bed. "Time for another dose of painkillers I think." She said cheerfully. She had noticed the way Remus flinched as he tried to roll over in his bed.

He looked at her gratefully, the pain was too excruciating for him to handle. She handed him a couple of pills and a glass of water and watched him as he swallowed the tablets and gulped down the water.

The main door of the Hospital Wing opened suddenly.

"Remus!" A voice shouted as three figures came hurtling towards him. A look of horror spread over her face as she tried to get out of the way of the charging kids.

"Oh my god you look terrible." Sirius shouted as he, James, and Peter reached his bed.

"Thanks, Sirius." Remus replied, smiling. He looked over at Lily who had just reached the bed – she'd walked instead of ran – and was looking at him worriedly.

"You holding up okay, Remus?" James said, sitting down on the end of Remus's bed. "We heard that it was the Slytherins that put you here."

Remus nodded, looking over at Madam Pomfrey who was scrutinizing the newcomers. Finally she picked up the plate of food and walked back to her office.

"Don't worry Remus," Sirius whispered, "we'll get revenge on the Slytherins, they'' pay."

"No!" Remus exclaimed. "No more. It's been going on for too long already, and I don't want too see my friends hurt. No more."

The others were surprised by this outburst.

"We're sorry Remus." James said. "But you can see where we're coming from!"

"They dirty sons of a bitch put our best friend in hospital! We should be down in the hall making them pay." Sirius shouted.

"We promise we won't do anything to them." Peter said, shuffling away from Sirius.

Lily touched Remus's hand. "Are you sure you're okay?" Tears threatened to pour out her eyes.

"Don't worry Lily. I've dealt with much worse before." He smiled up at her.

"I know." Lily whispered. Remus looked up at her stunned. The other three did not hear her and were arguing amongst themselves whether or not they should do something to the Slytherins.

Remus panicked. _Lily knows? When did she find out? _He stared at her, he didn't know what to say, he never thought the day would come when he had to explain himself to his friends.

Madam Pomfrey came out, her face flushed red. "You three boys can get out!" She shouted. The boys stopped their arguing, which had turned into yelling at each other. "I will not have people screaming in my Hospital!" The three boys quivered under her wrath, they never knew she could look so scary. They hurriedly said their goodbyes to Remus and rushed out the room.

Madam Pomfrey looked relieved when the three boys had left. "Now some peace and quiet." She whispered and turned to go back into her office.

Lily looked down at Remus and noticed the shock and realisation in his eyes. She grabbed his hand as tears travelled down her cheeks.

"I know what you are Remus. I know you're a werewolf."

Remus looked away from her. What was going to happen now? Would she pull away from him in disgust? Her actions didn't show any hate towards him; did she not care?

"But I don't care what you are Remus!" Lily cried. "That doesn't change the person you are! It never will! You can't let it control your life, Remus, or it will destroy you!"

Remus looked up at her; tears in his eyes. _She really doesn't care? _"Thanks Lily." He said, before he allowed her to pull him into a gentle hug.

James, Sirius and Peter were walking along the corridors to the Great Hall for breakfast.

"I can't believe we got kicked out the Hospitsal Wing!" Sirius exclaimed.

"It was because of you that we got kicked out!" James replied.

Sirius turned around, his face full of anger. "What did you say?"

"You heard me!" James shouted at him. Peter ran between them, just before it looked like a fight would break out.

"Guys, guys! Stop it!" Peter shouted. "We should be aiming our anger towards the Slytherins! Not at each other!"

Sirius and James glared at Peter before they stopped their attack on each other.

James looked at Peter. "But Remus doesn't want us to do anything to the Slytherins."

Peter had a sly look in his eyes. "He doesn't need to find out, does he?"

Remus was sitting upright in the hospital bed. Lily sat facing him, cross-legged on the bed.

"Do you think I should tell them?" Remus whispered, looking down at his hands.

Lily looked up at him, "I think you should Remus, they need to know."

"But what if they hate me? What if they think I'm a freak? I don't want anyone else to hate me!" Remus said, tears starting to make a path down his cheeks.

"Remus," Lily whispered, placing a hand on top of his, "if they're really your friends, they will accept you, for who you are!"

Remus looked up at Lily. "You'll help me tell them?"

Lily nodded "Yeah! Of course I will!"


	15. Losing Grip

_**Chapter 15 - Losing Grip**_

**DISCLAIMER - I Do not own Harry Potter or make any profit from this story. Harry Potter will and always has belonged to J.K.Rowling.**

**Oh and this story is Co-written by silverwolf000**

For the next two weeks, no one dared talk to the three Griffindor boys. No one except Lily Evans. Surprisingly, for the first time since starting school, Lily and James were not at each other's throats but could frequently be seen talking amicably. Lily, upon question about her unusual behaviour glared at the person and proceded to storm off. No one was quite sure why they were behaving in such a manner and they certainly weren't getting answers. So it led to interesting rumours. Some of which involved Remus and his mysterious disappearance. Although, no one could help but notice the three boys were incencsed by the sight of Slytherins.

Even more worrying was that James didn't seem to be taking advantage of the situation. The whole school knew he fancied Lily but hadn't even asked her out once. In fact, all three boys were displaying strange behaviour.

James Potter stopped pulling pranks and even paid attention in History of Magic. He could be seen dutifuflly writing notes instead of doodling on his parchment. Without his usual antics Hogwarts life for the 2nd years was less eventful and even a bit dull. It was almost as if he was trying to fill Remus' calmer more controlled role within the group. This unsurprisingly, was bliss for a certain greasy haired Slytherin.

Sirius Black on the otherhand developed a less pleasan way of showing his emotions. Everyone quickly learned not to anger a Black especially if he was particularly gifted at offensive spells. Mr Black, who had never liked Slytherins much before loathed them iwth avengence. This benefited the Griffindors because most Slytherins gave them a wider berth than usual.

Peter Pettigrew was astonishingly talkative in class. The bumbling shy littley boy, terrified of breaking the rules, attempted to answe revery question in class - he even got some right.

But underneath the pretense was a great surmounting anger that only grew stonger with time...

"What are we going to do?" snapped Sirius. "There is no way that I'm letting those slimeballs get away with this!" he growled garling at James and Peter. He had been pacing for the past 30 minutes, growling and barking intermittently.

"I know! But we need to keep our heads," he held up his hand to silence his protesting friend. "I know. It's difficult and it hurts and we hate seeing our friend like this. They could have killed him & it was a downright cowardly thing to do to get to us..."

"Well it worked!" cried Sirius followed by a thud and loud yelp. Seconds later he was hopping around the room clutching his foot, glaring at them accusingly.

James shook his head in frustration. "Hurting yourself isn't going to help anyone!" yelled jmes in the dorm, thanking his genious of a silence charm he got Lilly to help him perfect. Their roo was dark and they were glad their friend Frank was in the year above. they now had a stock of butter beers and sweets for Remus.

"Shut up James. You don't even care for Remus!" He snapped, instantly looking down at his feet.

James never said a word as his first smashed into Sirius's jaw with an audible crack. Chest heaving with anger he cradled his hand as the pain blossomed. Sirius's jaw ached dully.

"Feel better now?" he growled.

"No," he said indignatnly, nursing his hand.

Sirius Black tutted before approaching James. Peter ducked under his covers afraid of a brawl. Taking his hand he moved it and stopped when he noticed James biting his lip. "You should get that seen to," he said quietly.

Sighing James nodded and walked dejectedly to the door. "Sirius?"

"Yeah?"

"Sorry man,"

Sirius smiled knowingly. "I know,"

At night the Hospital Wing is very spooky. The ghostly white curtains flutter seemingly of their own accord. The windows showed the blinding light as it seeped into the castle. The silence suggested this room was empty but it was not. A young boy aged 12 that looked roughly 14 or 15, was sat up in one of the beds. He was beginning to hate white.

Madam Pomfrey had come bustling out of her office several minutes ago to tell him he was now able to attend lessons for half the week for a week before coming back for a check up. And he had to bear in mind that if he felt any discomfort at all, he had to go straight to her. No buts!

But the boy hadn't moved. Still, he sat staring across the room thinking he'll never be free from pain for a very long time.

'Full moon this week. A check up? Yeah right. More like a body bag. Let's hope the transformations aren't too much for his frail and fragile body to handle!

**Finally facing the truth? Reality sucks kid**

'I've been doing this long enough to know what people mean without them saying it' he replied to the voice in his head sharply.

**Sure you do. That's why you have so many friends.**

'Shut up' he retorted to the cruel reply. Remus attempted to block the wolf out. Gently easing on his top whilst gasping in pain he began to get dressed. Unknown to him James had arrived at the Hospital wing and glanced though the glass window.

He gasped at the sigh of his friend's torso. His skin rippled with pain made the numerous scars, silvery and thin, claw like slashes look much worse. James frowned. 'What was Remus hiding? Had the Slytherins inflicted more damage than they originally thought?...But no...they looked too old. Sure this had not happened before?!' Thought James but his frantic mind could not think of an explanation. Horrid images of a tortured friend seared across his visions making it impossible to think. Terrible scenarios were conjured up forcing him to close his eyes. Breathing deeply he quietly slipped into the room.

Remus paused for a second unnerved. He had a worrying feeling that someone was watching him but as far as he knew there was no one here but him. Hissing, he eased his aching body into the cloths as he sat down again.

"May be I should just end it," He said quietly to himself. This was loud enough for James to hear, nearly sending his emotionally taught friend over the edge.

**Yes youngling, you should. Be assured they won't miss you. They will take relief in your death.**

"Perhaps you are right,"

End what? thought James anxiously. the only thing he could think of, was his life, but Remus wouldn't do anything _that _rash. Would he? Had his friend fallen that far and he hadn't even noticed?

"May I help you?" said a voice dragging him out of his reverie.

Remus shocked expression snapped to the door. Remembering himself he attempted a feeble smile. James walked forward, his eyes transfixed upon Remus's face, pale and clammy. Wasn't he getting better? Mr Potter did not answer. He continued to stare at Remus with a frown crossing his forehead.

"Potter! Why are you here?" impatiently asked Madam Pomfrey tapping her foot.

James shook his head to clear his thoughts. Looking to the patron he opened his mouth and spoke. "My hand," he said dumbly gesturing. The woman tutted before dragging him to the bed adjacent to Remus's. He tried to catch his eye but he wasn't looking anywhere near James. Potter just noticed his hand was throbbing dully.

**It's now or never pup. He's just waiting for you to do it. Go on**

'James would never want that,' he protested.

**He will. They all will. They just don't know it yet. You know deep down that they do. You always have. That's why you never had any friends. If you had it your way you'd never have got involved with them. But they were persistent. Just hold off until the full moon then you won't have to. We both know you won't survive.**

His internal struggle appeared as a concoction of worry and fear. His heart thudded against his chest, hammering at his rubs. His hands shook slightly.

"Mr Lupin, I've decided it would probably be best if you did not attend class's until next week instead. Just rest in the common room and check up with me tomorrow," Said Madam Pomfrey admiring the boy's ability to still stand with his injuries and the upcoming full moon against him.

'She knows. She's thinks I'm going to die. If I wait then I'll never have to tell them,' he thought to himself as he received the Healer's change of mind.

"Sorry Lily," He muttered before getting up and leaving.

James Potter followed his friend with his eyes. He never failed to notice the stoop with which he walked, or the stiffness of his movements. He frowned at the comment about Lily. Silently James decided he was in the dark about something and he was going to find out what that was no matter what.

Lily attended all her classes as usual the day before. But clearly her mind had been somewhere else. Now, yet again, she was ignoring her friends as they catted by the lake. So much had happened already that it was hard to believe it was only just September. Guilt splashed in her gut. Shouldn't she be in the Hospital Wing with Remus?

Suddenly she stopped her pacing. Before her clear green eyes, Remus Lupin determindedly walked. Lily started after him when her friends called her back.

"You're always with him or his friends these days. Can't you spend _any_ time with us?" they complained.

So Lily pushed the ominous feeling away and turned to her friends. There she smiled and chatted, laughed and giggled and forgot all about Remus.

8 8888

Hogwarts was silent, perfectly eerie. Light streamed through the myriad of windows, illuminating the corridors. Only fluttering of wings from the Owlery and the thud of stairs changing floors broke the silence. Hundreds of thousands of students passed through these halls, all of them different but none of them like Remus Lupin. Sirius Black had his fair share of abnormality being the only black to go into such an disrespectable house. Even Andromeda was not treated as such. James, however, was everything he was expected to be. The most shocking thing about him was that he had befriended a werewolf at the time when they were greatly feared.

James Potter at the moment was subconsciously solving the puzzle. The answer had not yet sprung to mind though. He walked pensively back from the Hospital Wing and turned in to the great hall for lunch. There, he saw Peter and Sirius laughing at a joke he had only just missed.

"James, you alright?" asked Sirius leaning over hsi food to look at him.

"You're squashing you're food." he said whilst looking meaningfully at him. The chattering of the great hall fell away as James Potter flipped back to his turbulent thoughts. Those many, many scars haunted his vision. The gasps of pain rang in his ears. James sat numbly whilst everyone else behaved like starved chickens presented with feed.

Suddenly he found himself back in the empty dorm being stared at by his friends.

"When I was at the Hospital Wing I saw Remus being discharged. He was lost of scars Siri. Lots of them."

Peter whimpered glancing between the two boys uncertainly. The memory of the punch was still very fresh with him and he feared another outbreak. He squeaked how awful it was but no one paid any heed. The other two were too wrapped up in the horror of the solidifying possibility that their friend was beaten regularly.

"But his folks seem so nice," protested James.

"So do mine when they really want to," scowled Sirius, jamming his hands in his robes. "But it doesn't have to be his parents," he added angrily.

James wrung his fingers looking at the floor. "He muttered 'Sorry Lily'. Do you have any clue what that's about?" asked James refraining form mentioning the ending it all. He feared it would be too much for his friend to cope with. Despite appearances, James knew that he cared very deeply for Remus.

Sirius clenched and unclenched his fists. "I say we find Lily Evans."

Remus sat under the shadow of the Forbidden Forest. He was surprised he managed to walk that far and avoid Hagrid. He was sitting in a spot where Hagrid rarely went. This was only discovered after a lot of careful watching on his part.

A spot near the Whomping Willow.

The tree that was present because of him. His tree.

He had heard often people wonder why such a violent tree was added to the grounds. Many students liked to dare each other to touch the trunk, avoiding the angry swiping branches. They took such delight in the danger. It made him sad to watch his own friends join in this stupid pointless dare. He knew the dark reason and could not find the strength to draw the light from it. He was often teased and called a wuss. He knew they wouldn't be so happy to run up to it if they knew what it hid once a month.

Him.

The Werewolf.

The monster.

That's what he was reduced to. All the time. He ceased being Remus Lupin. He ceased being a half-blood because it didn't matter anymore. He wasn't even considered human. He was a thing. An animal. It had been nice for Dumbledore to show him such kindness. No other headmaster would have allowed such an abomination to pass through their doors and live with whole innocent defenceless children. He said he recognised that he was also a chid. It was a shame Remus couldn't bring himself to believe him. He had been cowering for the whole year, terrified they would find out and desert him. Then Lily found out. She said she didn't care. But he remembered that momentary horror and fear.

That was real.

But they had all said that at first. They didn't understand. Then they told their parents. They hit him, called him names, spat at him and no longer went near him. He could still remember the pain like it happened yesterday.

Now he was going to lose everything.

He took solace in the fact he would never have to see the fear in their faces or face their hate and anger.

It was better this way.

"Lily!"

Lily turned around and saw the three most annoying boys in the whole entire school enter the Great Hall. Running from her friends she ignored their feverant protests. "Look if I don't spend any time with my friends..." she started.

But James grabbed her hand and pulled her into an empty classroom. Putting her hand on her hips Lily scowled at them. If possible her hair seemed to pulsate and blow slightly in a wind.

"It's important! Plus we left you alone at lunch!" reasoned James.

Lily snorted. "Probably only because the bell rang,"

"We're hurt Lily Evans," said Sirius with a hint of sarcasm. Lily stopped and stared at them wondering what on Earth was going on. Deciding she might regret it she signalled for them to talk. Quickly.

"It's Remus."

"What about him?"

"He said sorry Lily. We want to know what that's about," demanded James.

Lily bit her lip, debating whether to do the inevitable now and tell them. It was becoming clearer and clearer that Remus would not. "He didn't tell you?" she asked hesitantly.

The two boys exchanged worried glances. Lily's reluctance to tell them anything was surely a bad sign. "He did,"

Lily stopped for a second. Was it possible that she had been wrong about Remus? Is it possible that he _had_ told them? Or were they just grasping at straws?

"He's awful worried that you guys don't want to be his friends anymore," she stated playing their game.

"What? What makes him think that?" James questioned her looking worried.

Lily sighed mentally in relief. They didn't know. Now she had to decide what to do. But she had already made that choice hadn't she? "You guys have been fighting over something. He's really cut up over it,"

James frowned trying to remember the last time they fought. It was before he was in the Hospital Wing, but surely he couldn't still feel worried about that? "Thanks Lily. I'll talk to him," he said ushering them away. Lily shook her head and returned to her friends.

The Common Room was full of Gryffindors. Lily and her friends were seen in one corner, Frank and his gang huddled over a piece of enchanted parchment, the older students were still at dinner preferring to keep out the crowded room as long as possible. A few students were in their dorms chatting happily. Remus was nowhere to be found.

James and Sirius paced. They mirrored each other in movements. Peter was still at dinner. Suddenly their windswept friend entered the room and gently sat down upon the bed. He cried out in shock when Sirius engaged him in a hug. "Sorry," he breathed. "We've just been so worried about you. Where you?"

Remus looked from Sirius to James and back again The amber in his eyes glinted slightly. He was feeling a little crowded. "Out on the grounds."

"Doing what?"

"Thinking," Remus frowned deciding upon the truth.

"Why didn't Madam Pomfrey just heal you?" asked James innocently.

Remus looked down at his fidgeting hands. "My wounds, uh, got infected, that um, made them harder to heal,"

They looked guiltily at each other over Remus's head. "She also had to shift a couple of bones that wouldn't have healed in the right place."

James bit his lip. "Why are you covered in scars?" he asked timidly.

"What?" Remus asked, his head shooting up.

"You have lots of scars. I saw them at the Hospital Wing..." he trailed off not sure what to say.

"You've been spying on me?" he asked hurt. He looked from boy to boy unsure of what to say or do. Everything in him was screaming that they knew, they couldn't be trusted, they were just like everyone else.

"No..." protested James looking to Sirius for help. But Remus bet them to it.

"Forget it. I don't want to talk to you. Goodnight." he said before slamming the curtains closed. Remus lay on the bed desperately trying to fight down the wolf that was clamouring to get out. He could feel the pressure building making him nauseous. His skin dropped a shade to an ill grey. He knew his fraying temper would be the end of their friendship before the discovery. Remus knew they were close. He didn't know how long he could keep them from finding out. Try as he might, they just dug deeper and deeper. One thing was certain. He knew this. The stress was going to kill him.


End file.
